Not as invincible as I thought

There are moments in time when we turn around and catch a glimpse of a past life, how things were, when we felt a certain level of confidence in the direction of our lives. There was a point in my life when I felt invincible, like my future path was undoubtedly mapped out in front of me. All I had to do was take the next clearly marked step. I felt safe, certain about the decisions I was making, the life I was living.

Then one day I looked down. And it’s not just that my path was no longer marked, it was missing all together. It felt like I had only closed my eyes for a moment, and in that moment, it had all been stolen from me. There were no breadcrumbs, no markers to lead me back to where I thought I was supposed to be. Everything that made me feel safe, protected was missing. The things that I had held onto had been torn from my hands.

Everything has changed. And now when I turn around and catch that glimpse, the echo, I wonder if maybe I held on too tightly. Some things, some people just aren’t meant to be. We’re meant to have moments of our lives intertwined with theirs, and then the vines untangle and we’re meant to move into someone else’s sphere.

What I wonder now, though, is how do I clearly define when I’m in the right spot, the one where I’m meant to make my new life. Maybe I’m just expecting too much of myself, of fate. I try hard to let things unfold as they will, but sometimes it’s hard for me to let that happen. I want to feel protected, confident in where I am standing, who I’m standing with. Not knowing feels more than a little disconcerting at times.

While I’d love to feel invincible again, I think that maybe there’s more to be said for being fluid, not so steadfast, not so unyielding. I do want to feel safe again. I’m trying to just be patient and keep my eyes open for the breadcrumbs to my new path. I just hope that I clearly know it when I see it, that I won't pick the wrong one. I just don't want to miss it.