My Wandering Odyssey

The newest addition...plus another one...one year later

2011-12-29T19:10:00.004-05:00

As sometimes happens, blogging gets sidelined when life gets in the way. 2011 was a busy year - on the positive side, a new job, new city, newly engaged, another new member to our family (see below).

On the not-so-positive side, lost a beloved four-legged member of our family, Patches. This one hit me particularly hard because I loved her dearly, she had been with me for so long and she my very first pet when I started my very first grownup job in my very first new city, Philadelphia.

PatchesCat takes over Camille's bed

She loved traveling in the car, which she had little choice but to do as I brought her and her brother with me anytime I traveled home to Ohio. In August of this year, we went through the Chick-fil-A drive-thru after an oncologist visit, and the girl at the window completely forgot to give me my food because she was so fascinated by the kitty hanging out on the passenger seat patiently waiting for her treat of chicken nuggets. I miss her.

The Chick-fil-A drive-thru has become somewhat of a theme in our family, where the four-legged members outnumber the two-legged ones. Camille, last year's new addition to the family, also loves the Chick-fil-A drive thru, as the one in Rocky River always gives her Scooby snacks. Though Starbucks might be a close second favorite, as she's been known to score a cup lid full of whip cream on occasion.

You can see Camille - a Shar Pei/Lab mix - a year ago in my last post. She was my Christmas gift to my then bf-now fiance. Well, that little bundle of joy...isn't quite so little anymore. She's a big girl now and has been a great addition to our family, though still as mischievous and ornery as the day we brought her home.

CamilleDog one one of the rare occasions she's sleeping during daylight hours

About two months ago, Camille acquired a sister, whom she loves more than life. Gabby is a basset hound/border collie mix.

Gabby catching 40 winks

As I mention above, I started a new job this year in a new city...though not just any city, the Motor City. So the fiance "jokingly" has primary custody of the girls...meaning they also have learned to travel well between our two homes, as he is based in CLE+. They're big fans of the car...though they prefer when it's reasonably nice outside and they can stick their snouts out the window and enjoy the wind and fresh air.

Gabby and Camille in Daddy's car

Having dogs is a whole new adventure, one I love...except for when it's pouring rain or frigidly cold outside. Though as with any child, you're in it for the wonderful moments, as well as those that are more challenging.

Latest addition

2011-02-02T16:57:00.010-05:00

For Christmas, I got overly ambitious. The bf had been wanting a puppy...badly wanting a puppy. Every time he saw a dog on the street, on TV, in a magazine, in his dreams...all I heard (in the same voice you'd use to talk to an infant) was "PUPPY!!!!!"

I thought I'd be uber clever and get him a puppy for Christmas. So when I went on Berea Animal Rescue Fund's site and saw a puppy that was part Shar Pei (which is the breed he is obsessed with), I couldn't pass her up.

Within two days of deciding it was a great idea to add a puppy to our family, Camille was napping on our couch. She was just shy of seven weeks when I brought her home. Today she's just over three months and (I'm guessing) over 20 lbs - probably on her way to 80 lbs.

Here are some of the earlier photos when she was a bit smaller:

Camille attempting to look innocent

I heart my ball

Catching some zzzzzzzzzzzzzs

We absolutely adore her...even when she's being insane. If you're looking to add a furry, four-legged member to your family, I can't recommend Berea Animal Rescue Fund highly enough. They were great to work with and are staffed by a crew of dedicated staff and volunteers.

Dust bunnies gathering in a dark corner

2010-08-09T21:04:00.001-04:00

Unfortunately, I've neglecting this blog this year. However, I do have a very legitimate excuse. And the excuse's name is 100 Book Ninja - my blog chronicling my journey to consume 100 books in 365 days.

It is currently day 292 of my challenge, leaving me just over two months left to accomplish my mission. With just over two months to go, I am 76 books in, with 24 left to read. So for now, please check me out there.

Still life, still painting

2010-02-28T19:32:00.004-05:00

Our painting fundamentals class week 4 focused on still life - more specifically figures. Our instructor brought in a number of ethnic dolls, but I had brought in my bird from work and tackled him as my still life project.

Bird is the word.

Becky took on the ethnic doll project. Check out the detail.

Wicked t-shirt painting skills

2010-02-19T17:49:00.006-05:00

I've learned in the last 24 hours that I have mad, wicked t-shirt painting skills. At work, we had our monthly Fun Lunch, which was themed Falls Office Olympics 2010. We were divided up into teams to then be pitted against each other for the ultimate awards - Gold, Silver and Bronze Medals - in four sports, T-Shirt Decorating, Straw Javelin Throw, Sugar Shotput and Dizzy Chair Spin.

I did some t-shirt decorating and think I did a pretty darn good job.

We took home the Bronze, but I think it's just because we didn't wear the wings to go with the awesome shirts.

Our mascot did wear the wings however...

Black + white + primary colors = Cat Stevens

2010-02-16T23:16:00.005-05:00

For our third week of painting class at the Beck Center, we were able to choose two primary colors with which to add to black and white. Our challenge was portraits. Look like anyone you know?

I figured that portraits would be a reach for me. I was defaulting to my assumption that landscapes and more abstracts pieces would be where I would perform decently. I was pleasantly surprised when I finished the initial balance between positive and negative space.

But we were challenged to try mixing colors and testing different brush strokes, so I pushed on. I used blue and yellow as my two primary colors. I can't say that I'm unhappy with this week's outcome, which for me is saying a lot since I'm pretty shaky on my painting-ability confidence level.

Next up, Becky's "Cat Stevens"-type portrait. She actually followed directions and tested out more color and brush stroke styles than I did. I really like her use of color and playing around with different styles.

She finished her first piece early and had enough time left in class to try her hand at a whole person.

Becky has been painting in her downtime as well. She recreated a retro Barbie for her mom this past weekend. I love the collar.

Next week, we're breakin' it out - all the colors are fair game.

Mad Baker or Strawberry Shortcake?

2010-02-09T21:11:00.010-05:00

My sister sent the image on the left to me last week with the caption, "Mad Baker." But as a Twitter conversation quickly pointed out, "Are you sure she's not a reincarnation of Strawberry Shortcake?"

So one must ask, is it Olivia or the embodiment of a beloved carton character?

Monochromatic for week two

2010-02-09T20:34:00.010-05:00

Week 2 of Painting Fundamentals at The Beck Center was an exercise in monochromatic.

I chose crimson as my color to be mixed with black and white. My challenge seems to be using values correctly in my work. Though I suppose this is why our instructor is gently easing us into color one week at a time v letting us use the full spectrum right off the bat.

I spent too much time outlining my painting before starting the actual work. Though as Becky observed, I seem to have better functionality with architectural features. As class was about to conclude, I wasn't interested in finishing my painting at home, so I went old school on the birds. Remember the type you used to add to your drawings in elementary school - the solid wide V style. As you can see above, I took the easy way out and pulled the V bird style.

With my adoration of all things red, I thought that crimson would be a good color to start with, and when I first saw the piece we were working from, assumed it was a good selection as the piece also had a certain dark, foreboding aspect to it. But while working on it, too many of the shades were just too close to pink or mauve for me. A fellow classmate used green, which seemed to work much better - though he also seems to be comprehending the whole value thing while it continues to escape me. I should probably spend some at-home studio time practicing.

Becky, on the other hand, gets the values thing and its practical, real-world application. Check out the value scale at the top of her work. We joked that she's going through her blue phase. Hey, Picasso did it, why not a PR pro who's also a painter.

While I was DONE with this particular exercise when we got to the end of the night, Becky plans to finish hers, which I'm speculating she may just be at home working on right now. I'll post her "finished" piece when she shares a shot of it with me.

Additional note on the post from last week's class, Becky gifted her bat artwork to our friend Alissa, who named it Frank. Frank now keeps Alissa company in her 24th floor office in a certain historical office building in downtown Cleveland.

Next week's class is black + white + two primary colors. What are the primary colors again? Guess I better do some quick research since obviously I was out sick on that day of high school art class.

Bring it on book challenge, I can take you

2010-02-04T22:27:00.007-05:00

Starting on October 21, 2009, I laid before myself the mighty challenge of consuming 100 books in 365 days. To chronicle the journey, I started a second blog, Bibliomania:

It's not just any ordinary challenge though...the gauntlet thrown breaks the challenge into a number of genres, including books recommended from friends, short stories, poetry, fantasy, teen and a couple more. It also forbids any rereads and doesn't allow for audio books.

I'm little over 25 percent of the way through the calendar and have successfully tackled 24 books, with 76 to go. Better get a move on.

If you're a book lover, you can check out the details and follow me here.

Bats in the belfry

2010-02-02T15:09:00.009-05:00

I try to be happy and satisfied with the gifts that God granted me, but one thing that I've always desired was to be an artist. I would love the ability to competently draw, paint, create.

But low and behold, my creative talents, to date, have been fairly hit and miss. I went through a mosaic tile obsession, a time period where I was determined to learn how to quilt, then it was wood burning, then onto paper arts (though not scrapbooking), then it was crocheting (which did actually result in one blanket for my sister, next was knitting. I'm pretty positive there were a number of other attempts in between all of these others.

I think my biggest obstacle is that I would never commit to just one medium. My mosaic tile obsession lasted for a couple of years and did result in a number of creative trays and candle holders - though I learned fast that my grouting skills, which are critical to successful mosaics, aren't just bad...they're horrible. If it's just 90-degree angles, I'm good, but once you get into broken tiles, which are more creative and interesting to work with, I'm lost on the grouting. But I digress from the point of this post.

For a while now, I've wanted to take a painting or drawing class. I was interested in challenging myself to step outside my comfort zone, even if I'm positive the results are bound to be somewhat disastrous. So when my friend Becky approached me about taking a painting class at the Beck Center for the Arts, located right down the street in Lakewood, there was no reason to say no.

Our eight-weed Painting Fundamentals class started last night, and I had a ball. Most of the class was spent reviewing supplies and initial technique. Our instructor started us with a basic painting project - a black and white painting of a bat, so I thought I would share my initial foray into the land of painting. Heres my first take with the image I was tasked to recreate.

There were two bat pictures to select from, and Becky chose the other image. She's painted previously and definitely picked up on the theories the instructor shared much faster than I did. Here's her first project:

Turns out Becky is not a big bat fan, so she imagined she was working on a picture of a rabbit, you know a cuddlier version of a bat. I believe she "gifted" her painting to our friend Alissa this morning.

My parents, in particular, my mom would find the bat project more than a little ironic. During one of our family vacations, my mom came across a Big-Eared Eastern Bat (which I image looks a something like this). She wasted no time in making that my new nickname, as it matched with my innate ability to overhear any conversation of which I was a subject, especially when I was not one of the conversation participants.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next class. If you're looking for art, theater or dance classes, here's a link to the Beck Center's Winter/Spring Class Catalog. It offers a great range of classes for adults and youth alike.

A picture is worth a thousand words

2010-01-24T19:44:00.013-05:00

Oftentimes, a photo or illustration can tell the most powerful and distinct story about a tragedy. This week the New York Times ran "Op-Art: Scenes From a Catastrophe," featuring works from four painters, Mario Benjamin, Emmanuel Dostaly, Pascale Monnin and Patrice Piard, "that reflect on the disaster and its aftermath."

This is the first in the series is by Pascale Monnin from Port-au-Prince and is demonstrative of the tragedy and trauma of the last two weeks in Haiti.

It's a timely reminder, especially as there is a continued need for money and food and resources to help this devastated island nation. It's not too late to donate.

Way, way back week

2010-01-18T20:58:00.006-05:00

Supposedly it's way, way back week on Facebook, and you're supposed to post photos from your past. Here are a couple when I was blonde, curly and perhaps more innocent...though there may be a question mark with the last one. Figured I might as well share the chuckles here as well.

Circa 8th grade

Circa mid high school

Random recent photos

2009-12-21T11:44:00.009-05:00

Just a couple of random recent photos with editorial notes...

B Spot's Vanilla Bean Apple Pie Bacon Milkshake = Mike's Favorite. Thing. Ever. With. Ice. Cream.

Silver Patron + Shot Glasses + Recipe for Patron Silver Bell Shooter = Best. Office. Holiday. Gift.

Mike figuring out how to balance my heavy, beloved S'mores tree topper on our Christmas tree = Priceless

The 18" blingy Christmas tree that welcomes visitors to my office = Gaudy holiday cheer

Happy Halloween from the Italian bear

2009-10-22T16:11:00.004-04:00

Would you like witch's brew or chicken parmesan with your pasta??

Happy Halloween from the stuffed bear that greets you as you enter Papa Bear's Italian restaurant in Canton.

My first visit to The Horseshoe

2009-10-16T10:51:00.004-04:00

Wisconsin v. OSU. October 10, 2009.
We had an awesome time!

It was the radio

2009-09-11T14:32:00.004-04:00

Eight years ago today, I listened to Peter Jennings narrate the 9/11 tragedy. I was on a business trip via car to Michigan and didn't actually see any images of the Twin Towers, Pentagon or Shanksville, Pa., until 7:30 that evening. I witnessed this tragedy through radio, which was still a heartbreaking experience. To hear his voice - and those of the other correspondents and people being interviewed - break with emotion was heartwrenching.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all of the family and friends of those lost on that day.

A kick in the pants

2009-09-11T14:29:00.005-04:00

Some days, it's just nice to be reminded...

Ahhh, for the love of fall

2009-09-02T14:33:00.003-04:00

While many people are grudgingly being pulled into fall (probably due to the lack of more than two days over 90 all summer), I'm happy to run-full-speed-with-my-arms-wide-open into it. It's my hands-down, absolute favorite season of the year.

For the top 10 reasons why I love fall, see my post from this time last year. (Note that I did get to carve a pumpkin last year.)

2 going on...

2009-08-11T21:06:00.009-04:00

My ridiculously adorable twin neices (though maybe I'm just a little biased :) celebrated their 2-year birthday this past Sunday with 40 of their closest friends and family. The theme was Elmo, which was evidenced most clearly with yummy Elmo cupcakes (though there were also s'mores cupcakes for those who didn't want to bite off Elmo's head - both types were baked by my friend Sarah of Sweet Bites).

Anyway, here are a couple of snapshots from the very memorable event. (Disclaimer: Photos may appear blurry due to photographer's inability to hold her phone's camera stationary.)

Olivia thoroughly enjoying her Elmo cupcake.

Cassie throwing back shots of milk to wash down the Elmo cupcake. Please note that poor Elmo's eye lies precariously alone on the table. Who knows what fate awaits the abandoned marshmallow eyeball.

As a well-stocked bar is always a staple of any party at the Bomba household, Livie took it on herself to begin playing bartender. Or at least she decided the quality of the ice would be vastly improved if she handled every piece of it.

Livie awaiting her next victim - I mean customer - to which to serve ice. Note the supporting cast of Uncle Mike.

Best. Summer. Ever. Period.

2009-08-04T20:23:00.012-04:00

Unlike a number of my friends and colleagues, I've been thoroughly enjoying the cooler summer we've been enjoying here in Northeast Ohio. I'm not a huge fan of anything above 82 F. But my best summer ever was spent in the Southwest...in breathtakingly beautiful northern New Mexico. I try to justify the heat difference by saying at least it was a dry heat :)

Located in Cimarron, New Mexico, is Philmont, a high adventure, Boy Scout ranch spanning about 137,500 acres in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains (part of the Rocky Mountains), where I spent the summer between my junior and senior years of high school. My parents were trusting enough (or maybe they just wanted to get rid of me for the summer) to put me on a train in Youngstown bound for New Mexico to serve on the kitchen staff at Philmont for three whole months.

This photo - taken by my friend and one of my managers that summer, Andrew - demonstrates pretty much what we did all summer - fun and shenanigans. Hey, we worked hard too. We just had more fun than should be legal doing it.

My days off were incredibly precious to me though. We spent time in Taos gallery hopping and haning out at the hot springs. But most enjoyable were the days we spent in the backcountry. Many a nights were spent on the front porch of the staff cabin on Urraca Mesa...others spent sleeping out under the stars in an unnamed mountain meadow under the very clear and vast New Mexico sky which seemed to reach for miles and miles. It wasn't hard to imagine all of the Indian lore and legends to be true.

The view from the staff tent - which I shared with Karen - was this - the Tooth of Time. Who wouldn't love waking up this every morning...ok except maybe for the mornings I was on breakfast duty and had to be at the Dining Hall by 5 or some other ridiculous time. Well, I guess we did have to get all of the hikers in and fed and ready to head out on the trail.

My Philmont summer was the most memorable, action-packed three months of my life. I have so many fond memories and funny stories. I have very few regrets in my life...but one of them is that I only spent one summer on staff. Wish I was there now.

Into every girl's life, must come at least one great bag

2009-07-30T11:11:00.006-04:00

Typically, I'm not a huge accessory person - jewelry, shoes or bags. While I used to buy lots of purses just for the hell of it, for the last few years, it usually takes me months and months to find a bag I like, so once I do, I just use it for an inordinate amount of time.

And when it comes to a great bag, I have never been able to bring myself to spend more than $80 on one, so this excludes Coach, etc. from my repertoire. So it was with enormously great joy last year that I found Sassy Sacks exhibiting at last summer's Akron Arts Expo at Hardesty Park.

It took me very little time to decide to purchase a great black tote with colorful circles on it. It was the perfect size to serve the unrewarding role of my work bag. It fits my file folders and laptop perfectly. And most importantly, it stood up to being tossed around and beat up going in and out of my office, car and home. Oh...and did I mention it only cost me the very reasonable price of $65!!!

Besides hanging out with my sister and friends, pretty much my sole reason for hitting this year's Akron Arts Expo was to acquire another Sassy Sack. Besides who doesn't just love and crave the idea of carrying something "sassy?"

Here is this year's addition to my Sassy Sack collection of two. It also only cost me - or perhaps more accurately, the SO - $65.

Oh, and did I mention you can order off the website, including custom bags at no extra cost. You can't beat that!

My two favorite munchkins

2009-07-25T16:50:00.009-04:00

I'm pretty positive I have the two most adorable nieces on the face of the planet, so being the proud aunt that I am, here are a couple of photos to prove it...you can't beat blonde-haired, blue-eyed, nearly-two-year-old twins!

Here's Cassandra Elizabeth - most often called "Cass" - wandering around in my Crop flip flops.

I'd say she's trying to fill my shoes, but I'm not sure that's a feat to which anyone would aspire.

Cass and her sister will turn two in August at their to-be fabulously orchestrated Elmo birthday party!

And posing and smiling perfectly for the camera is Olivia Josephine - better known as "Livie."

She's modeling her favorite and signature color, pink. Her twin prefers to wear purple for day out at the park.

So last weekend, we were playing on the porch when I realized one of their favorite meals is dirt - hey, I guess you can't beat the protein. Everyone needs their daily dose of protein, right? Who needs eggs when you can eat dirt?

And I couldn't resist including this photo of "Diva Cassie." She's working on her runway look.

Smack down

2009-07-24T12:41:00.002-04:00

Some days I seriously feel like this:

"I meditate, I do yoga, I chant...and I still want to smack someone!"

Found this friendly photo while waiting to pick up my food at Brown Bag Burgers.

Sucky, irrelevant Facebook lists

2009-07-23T21:34:00.009-04:00

I’m not quite sure why, but when I actually paid attention to my MySpace account and was an active participant (what now seems like years ago), I didn’t mind completing and posting lists. I thought it was so amusing and novel that I went online searching out different lists that would allow me to bear my inner soul and share my oddities with those lucky enough to call themselves my “friends.”

Fast forward to today when Facebook has left MySpace eating its dust. I’m not sure if it’s because they seem so more intrusive, but I am not really a fan of Facebook lists in an individual's notes section – “How many states have you been to/lived in,” “39 million things you didn’t know about me,” “50,000 things about me you never wanted to know and were afraid to ask,” etc., etc., etc. Though as I’m sitting on my porch on this random evening with the color from the sunset nearly a memory below the horizon, I thought…what the heck…I’ll participate in one Facebook-type list – the “put your iPod on shuffle and write down the first X songs that appear and don’t skip any songs and don’t cheat” list.

So since 10 or 20 songs didn’t seem like enough to shine the light on my inner music aficionado, I thought I’d try 30.

Let’s see what this list says about me.

County Line – Sugarland
Pump Ya Brakes – Will Smith featuring Snoop Dog
Seduction – Usher
Trouble & Care – John Gorka
Eileen – Kelly Fleming
Each Day Gets Better – John Legend
Smoke Rings in the Dark – Gary Allan
You Make It Seem So Easy – The Kinleys
Today – Joshua Radin
Smoke – Tristan Prettyman
No Sunlight – Death Cab for Cutie
April Showers – Sugarland
Better Than Me – Hinder
More Love – Dixie Chicks
Scream Double R – Eve
You Are – Jimmy Wayne
Detroit Waves – Matt Nathanson
Dogs & Thunder – John Gorka
Whatever Happens – O.A.R.
Kick My Ass – Big & Rich
If I Was Your Girlfriend – Prince
Planets of the Universe – Stevie Nicks
Snow in July – Garth Brooks
I Will Possess Your Heart – Death Cab for Cutie
Lifetime – Usher
Getcha Groove On – Limp Bizkit
Pretty Little Adriana – Vince Gill
While I Still Got the Time – Darius Rucker
Reality Used to be a Friend – P.M. Dawn
Breathe – Tristan Prettyman

The first, peripheral thought that enters my mind is that my iPod’s shuffle function doesn’t seem to shuffley or random. In 30 entries, I have five doubles: Sugarland, John Gorka, Death Cab for Cutie, Usher and Tristan Prettyman. So that’s 10 of my 30 songs dominated by just five artists. That leaves five poor artists that inhabit my iPod from appearing on this illustrious list that any artist would be honored and blessed to be cataloged upon.

Other irrelevant observations:

Nine songs are country – Sugarland, The Kinleys, Dixie Chicks, Jimmy Wayne, Big & Rich, Garth Brooks and Vince Gill – thought the ninth is by Darius Rucker, former lead singer of Hootie & the Blowfish, from his debut country album.
Four artists are what, for me, would equal coffee house fare: Tristan Prettyman, John Gorka, Kelly Fleming, Matt Nathanson.
I’ve only seen one of these artists in concert – though once in Cleveland and once in Philly. That would be the one and only Garth Brooks. Awesome both times, by the way.
A couple are what I’d consider alternative coffee shop rock: O.A.R. and Death Cab for Cutie.
My 90s faves: Prince and P.M. Dawn

I don’t have enough brain power available to me at the end of this taxing day to even begin to psychoanalyze, investigate or scrutinize what this random sampling from my iPod means. Maybe it’s just a small snapshot of my schizophrenic music tastes…or maybe a more politically correct term is “eclectic.”

P.S. I put my iPod on shuffle; I wrote down the first 30 songs that appeared; I didn't skip any songs; and I didn't cheat.

Taureans: Stubborn, creative, not sure about the pink thing

2009-04-20T19:21:00.004-04:00

So it's almost that time of the year, the day when I turn one year older. This year, it's the big 3-4. I don't even want to think what the odometer of my life turns to next year.

Anyway, I came across this "Taurus: Fun Facts." I will admit it...I am one of those who will occasionally read my horoscope...sometimes with amusement...sometimes with panic (and in those instances, I wish I hadn't checked it that day). But with the fun facts, I thought it was worth a read in order to see what is and what isn't accurate.

Below is the description from from msn.com (http://bit.ly/G8Y5j)...I haven't decided yet where I come down on all of the traits. But the bf will be glad to see the Ireland is on the top of places I should visit...though I don't agree with most of the "perfect gift" list. I'll get back to you on the rest.

Taurus: Fun Facts
Strong, dependable Taurus leads the way when it comes to reaping the rewards of hard work. Lovers of everything that is fine and beautiful, Taureans surround themselves with material gains. This is a sensual, tactile sign. Touch is very important in everything from work to romance. Stable and conservative, Taureans are among the most reliable of the zodiac. While sometimes viewed as stubborn, this sign will plod along on a task until the very end, ensuring that everything is up to standard. They're highly creative and thoroughly enjoy making things with their own hands.

Friends and Family
Domestic affairs are very important to the Taurus. Values surrounding family are usually strong and fixed to the point where the Bull will do anything to protect them. Intelligence and a good sense of humor make this sign great company, and Taureans are often sought for advice on the practical way of doing things. Once a friend is made and trusted, this relationship will last for a lifetime. They're loyal and always willing to lend a hand. In fact, many friendships for the Taurus start in childhood. Promises and oaths to others are taken seriously. Time spent with family members is also prized. Taureans adore children, and will be the first at family events such as reunions and holiday gatherings. They love to entertain in their own homes and don't think twice about having a house full of friends and relatives to celebrate life's events.

Career and Money
Stability is the keyword for this sign. The key phrase for Taurus is "I have." Taureans love money, and they're not afraid to work hard to get it. On the job, the Taurus is dependable, patient, and thorough. Once they set their minds to a project, they will stick with it until completion, regardless of how long or complicated it might be. Taureans are on time, up for almost anything, and diligent.

A sense of one's values is a huge motivator when it comes to the Taurus. Second to that is the love of the rewards that follow hard work. Because members of this sign love to surround themselves with material finery and enjoy the better foods and luxuries that life has to offer, work is very important. It is the means to an end - and the Taurus is always aware of this.

Taureans are excellent managers of money. They will pay their bills on time and will keep a reserve tucked away. On occasion, you can see some overspending, but this is only once in a while. The Taurus will plan for the item they desire and save until they have the additional resources to attain what they want. Careers that suit this strong sign are farming, banking, medicine, education, and building.

Love and Sex
Be prepared to take your time when it comes to the Taurus lover. Exceptionally sensual, touch is most important, and being rushed in any way, shape, or form is not going to turn this sign on. Mates are often from the same status and social circle able to match the Bull's intellect and desire for the better things in life. Expect affections to be shown through material items - the Taurus is a great gift-giver.

TAURUS TIDBITS:

Health
Each sign has a part of the anatomy attached to it, making this the area of the body most sensitive to stimulation. The anatomical areas for Taurus are the throat, neck, ears, vocal cords, thyroid, tongue, mouth, tonsils, and the lower teeth.

Ruling Planet
The ruling planet for Taurus is Venus. This planet's action is gentle and harmonious. It governs beauty, charm, emotional contacts, possessions, unions of all kinds, singing, art, culture, sweets, and moral character.

Color
The color of choice for Taurus is pink.

Gemstone
Taurus' star stone is the Emerald.

Lucky Numbers
Taurus' lucky numbers are 2 and 8.

Compatibility
Taureans are most compatible with Virgo and Capricorn.

Opposite Sign
The opposite sign of Taurus is Scorpio.

The Perfect Gift
Soft fabrics, floral scents, cookbooks, flowers, candy

Likes
Gardening, cooking, working with hands, music, romance, high-quality clothing

Dislikes
Sudden changes, complications, insecurity of any kind, synthetic fabrics

House
Natural sign of the Second House. This house focuses on values, freedom, earning ability, possessions, and inner and outer resources.
Famous Taureans
Randy Travis, Jack Nicholson, Cate Blanchett, George Clooney, David Beckham

Best Travel Destination
Ireland, Switzerland, Sweden, Russia

Strength
Dependable, patient, musical, practical

Weakness
Stubborn, uncompromising, possessive

Charismatic marks
Solid, big bones, tendency to gain weight

Best environment
A secluded home close to nature. Good food is also important. Beauty and comfort are a must.

Random inspiration VIII

2009-03-10T20:25:00.002-04:00

Today's entry includes quotes on writing:

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~Douglas Adams

You know how it is in the kid's book world; it's just bunny eat bunny. ~Anonymous

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any. ~Russell Baker

Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. ~E. L. Doctorow

There's no money in poetry, but then there's no poetry in money either. ~Robert Graves

The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair. ~Mary Heaton Vorse

Being the patient

2009-03-10T20:05:00.004-04:00

There are many tests throughout a relationship, especially when it is somewhat in its infancy...or at least before you're officially cohabitating full time. One of the tried and true tests is when one of you truly has to take care of the other.

The bf and I successfully survived this trial this past weekend. Of course, it probably went so splendidly since he was the one taking care of me following outpatient surgery on Friday. He made sure my every need was taken care of and looked after...and the best part, all without irritating me.

I'll be the first to admit I'm didn't think I would be the best patient. When I'm not feeling well, I have one of two reactions: (1) I either want to be completely babied and my every whim indulged or (2) I just want to be left the heck alone. And the best part of the challenge...this can vary from minute to minute.

The bf was able to adapt to my changing multiple personalities and widely varying levels of pain and discomfort. God bless him.

The only time I think he took things a bit close to the edge was when I walked into the kitchen on Sunday morning, and he had set out all of my medications on the counter with a glass of water. I felt a little like I was either five or 95.

But all kidding aside, he took very good care of me, and it just makes me love him more. I just hope when the time comes for me reciprocate that I'm up to the challenge.

Card-carrying member

2009-02-03T20:23:00.006-05:00

In the most hypothetical form, I'm all for the concept of a holiday that celebrates the love that two people share. But as I've progressed through my life, I've become less and less of a fan of Valentine's Day (and don't even mention Sweetest Day in my presence; it's just a plain dumb, completely fabricated holiday celebrated in a couple random states).

This sign pretty much sums it up.

It's a day that only the card companies, flower shops and candy factories truly benefit from. But hey, flowers wilt and die and who wants to be part of a science experiment on how many fillings chocolate can possibly have. Not I.

If you're a person who only really tells the person you love that you really love them once a year, you need to have your head examined.

Your love should be shared with your partner on a daily basis - in your actions, your words, your touch - not just on some crazy holiday with an arrow-shooting, half-naked character as its mascot.

So I'll carry my card proudly!

P.S. Luckily, my bf is also a card-carrying member of the Anti-Valentine's Day Club, for which I am extremely grateful.

So I skipped a month or so...

2009-02-03T20:00:00.003-05:00

I was going to try and post some greatly inspired, detailed post...since I haven't posted in a while...but the inspiration ran out. So instead, just a couple of inspiring images I randomly located:

Because I love sarcasm

Where can I get this type of job?

This is how I feel most days.

My 12 days (or at least favorite things) of Christmas

2008-12-18T22:03:00.015-05:00

Christmas is hands down my favorite holiday of the year. Dare I say it, but it's even better than my birthday.

There are many things about the holiday that I love, so since I didn't start early enough to post a "12 Days of Christmas" list, I will post my 12 favorite things about this jolly holiday.

12 - My favorite holiday cartoon is "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." And no, the bad Jim Carrey movie does not count.

11 - Special holiday dinners with my dear friends. For some, it's the only time of the year we actually get to sit down, relax, enjoy a glass of wine and share our joys of the year.

10 - My favorite Christmas CD is "Christmas with the Oak Ridge Boys." I grew up listening to it, and my sister and I both love listening to it. I'm enjoying it right now.

9 - Wrapping presents. And unlike every other previous year within memory where I did all of the wrapping by myself, the bf staged it perfectly for our first holiday season as a couple. The only light was from the Christmas tree. Holiday music was the soundtrack for the afternoon. We enjoyed a couple of bottles of wine and a nice plate of cheese, crackers and fruit. And he helped me wrap my gifts. It was the ideal present wrapping experience.

8 - My favorite holiday movie is "White Christmas" - the music, the storyline, the humor, how hopeful I feel while I'm watching it.

7 - Lying on the living room floor looking up at the Christmas tree.

6 - Sled riding. I know this is a general winter activity, but I associate it with Christmas. Spending hours outside sliding down the hill and then schleping the sled back to the top to do it all over again. (The only year I didn't enjoy it so much was when I put the sled through one of our basement windows.)

5 - Building a snowman, complete with coal eyes and mouth, carrot nose, scarf, twig arms and a nice hat.

4 - Picking out the tree at the tree farm. My family hasn't done this since I was in high school or early college. It was one of my favorite things growing up. We would all go the the tree farm together and spend what felt like hours picking out the perfect tree.

3 - Wrapping paper fight. My family has the best way of celebrating Christmas. As far as I know, it dates back at least 58 years (since that's how old my dad is). We all go to midnight mass together, which this year is a true test of dedication to the sanctity that midnight mass should take place at midnight (not 9 or 10 pm like a lot of Catholic churches have started doing). This year the closest church to my parents' new house with midnight mass is 45 minutes away.

So back to the tradition, we go to mass, drive home, run into the house and change into our pajamas. This is critical...no gifts can be handed out to anyone until everyone is in their pjs. My dad hands out gifts from the haphazard pile under the tree. And then it starts...THE WRAPPING PAPER FIGHT. It continues through the entire present-opening time. I told the bf to make sure he works on his aim. He claims he won't wing one at my mom, but just wait until she gets him first. Then I'll have to believe it will be game on. After gift opening, we pick up the mess caused by the crumpled up wrapping paper balls. We watch a family movie and eat chips and dip (only Lawson's French Dip), and people start drifting off around 4 am. It's the best way to celebrate Christmas ever. And I've repeatedly and repeatedly told the bf, technically it is Christmas Day when we unwrap!

2 - The munchkins. Not that my family members aren't all kids at heart, but we will be celebrating our second Christmas with my neices, the Bomba munchkins - Olivia and Cassie. Last year, they were less than five months old, so all they really did was sleep. This year, they will have napped in the car and at church, and we're anticipating they will be their regular maniac selves tearing open boxes and generally just running around the house. Plus, that's two more targets for the crumpled wrapping paper balls.

1 - My favorite thing this year is simple. I get to spend it with the bf. It's our first Christmas together, the first of many to come. He's already made it perfect.

The next step (and no, not the kind with a shiny diamond in a pretty velvet box)

2008-12-17T21:18:00.013-05:00

Ah, that dreaded milestone in a relationship when it’s time to meet the significant other’s parents. I’ve heard the horror stories from others about how the first meet-and-greet went horribly wrong with no ability to recover from the disaster – hence leading to the eventual demise of the relationship. I’ve also heard about the opposite where the newly introduced party and the parents instantly become BFF.

So when I was scheduled to meet the bf’s parents this past weekend, I was hoping for a happy middle ground between those two extremes – ok, maybe leading a bit more towards the later – not the BFF part, but at least mutual likability between all involved parties.

Now, he met my parents about three months ago. Though my family isn’t that big, it did involve about 15 people for a cookout at my parents’ house. My family can be fairly loud and boisterous (though much of this might be attributable to them reacting to my obnoxious personality) – and so I figured what the heck, I’ll just throw him into the middle of that and see if he sinks or swims. Now, I wasn’t as ruthless as that sounds. I did prep him fairly well on the different personalities that would be involved. And of course, he was his usual charming self and was well received by all. (I think this is probably best demonstrated when after all of us helping my parents move a couple of months later, my brother-in-law asked, “Can we keep him??”)

Anyway, back to me meeting his parents. In mid October, he first broached the subject of introducing me to them, and with everyone’s schedules, this past weekend is when everyone was available.

Now I met both of them briefly at this year’s Easter church service, but it was under the guise of “Meet my friend, Kate. She’s attending service with me before she goes to her parents for dinner.” (In his defense, though we were dating at that time, it wasn’t too serious yet.)

So this past weekend’s meeting would serve as the first “official” meeting where I would be introduced as “the girlfriend.” Now, while I just threw him into the shark tank when he met my parents, he decided to be strategic about the introduction to his parents. He announced that the four of us would meet at a restaurant and partake of dinner together.

He anticipated that this approach would be potentially less stressful for everyone than dinner at his parents’ house. And since he had been nice enough to inform me a couple of months ago that his dad has never really warmed up to anyone he has previously dated, I was very appreciative to his attention to the details of the meeting, and his desire to set up a situation where things were more likely to succeed.

Though I tend to be pretty fearless, I will admit that the ominous warning about his dad was enough to make me feel more than a little stressed from time to time in the weeks leading up to the meeting. I knew that it was important to the bf that they like me, so I really wanted to do right by him.

So with all of these factors added to the mix, my goals for the dinner were to:
1. Officially meet his parents
2. Try and enjoy the evening
3. Not say anything inappropriate or too obnoxious (both of which can be challenging for me)

and…………
4. Not have them hate me

I will admit flashbacks to the 2000 “Meet the Parents” movie were frequently reoccurring in my brain. I was hoping it wouldn’t be some crazy version of the movie, which had the tagline “First comes love. Then comes interrogation.” Now while no one was asking for anyone’s hand in marriage, I was hoping it wouldn’t involve the suspicion, covert background checks and the famed lie-detector test showcased in the movie.

So how did it go? It went very well. We met at this great restaurant in North Canton called Main Street Grille. They seemed genuinely excited to meet me. Conversation was good and engaging from all parties. Appetizers, dinner, dessert and a couple of glasses of wine were all enjoyed at a nice slow, relaxing pace. The bf and I drove home from dinner feeling good about the evening. And I was especially relived because there seemed to be a foundation laid for potential, long-term likability.

My relief was further bolstered a couple of days later when the bf called with the first-hand report from a phone conversation with his dad and an email from his stepmom. Apparently, they liked me.

Well, no need to worry, there's plenty of time left for me to screw things up, but for the foreseeable future, I'm good. We'll see how Christmas goes when I meet the other million members of the family.

The trip south and back

2008-12-03T21:10:00.017-05:00

Traveling with a significant other for the first time can be somewhat of a test for your relationship. It can be inherently stressful, and everyone deals with travel stress differently.

So I approached the first true trip that the bf and I would take with a lot of excitement mixed with a bit of caution. We get along great, and we seem to be able (at least so far) to talk things through rationally when we have differing viewpoints. I thought that we would be ok, but of course, you never know.

When I was invited to travel south to Tuscaloosa, Ala., for a University of Alabama football game, I, of course, asked the bf to accompany me. He loves football (though, when it comes to college ball, he is a die-hard Ohio State fan), and I thought it would be a nice opportunity for us to spend some uninterrupted time together.

Little did I know that when I chose the game taking place the Saturday after Thanksgiving, that for once I had chosen wisely. I chose the game against Auburn because it meant neither of us had to take any time off of work. As I later learned, the Alabama/Auburn rivalry is perhaps the most important one for both schools. Known as the Iron Bowl, Auburn had won the last six years, and Alabama had never won on its home field. Another thing working in my favor? Going into the game, Alabama was ranked #1 in the nation with an undefeated record.

So while the choice of the game was working in my favor, the travel gods were busting a gut laughing at me when they learned that we would be traveling on perhaps the busiest travel weekend of the year, Thanksgiving weekend.

In preparation for our trip, I did something that I've pretty much never done before. I organized and packed my stuff the night before. I am famously a last-minute packer. Probably my most legendary packing escapade was in high school when I was leaving to go to Philmont in New Mexico for...three months. I started packing around 1:30 am, when we had to leave by 2:30 am to make it to Amtrak in time.

Anyway, so Thanksgiving evening, my clothes were all laid out in neat piles when the bf arrived from spending Turkey Day with his family. Thus, begun another first for me, sharing a suitcase with a significant other. I'm not sure if I'm just overly protective of my stuff or if I had just never had the opportunity before, but the bf has a large suitcase while I just have a little overnight bag. So half my stuff went into his suitcase. The result? Apparently I'm totally able to share suitcase space with another human being.

So on Friday, we managed to get our butts out of bed and make it to the Cleveland airport in plenty of time, though did run into some friends flying to Breckenridge for skiing. I was a little jealous. Anyway, we flew to Houston and had about a 90-minute layover, enough time to grab a decent lunch at Chili's Too (though I did have to ask them to fix the bacon). We successfully made it to Birmingham, and then the first travel issue arose.

We were scheduled to meet a driver who would transport us to Tuscaloosa. Now, before you go thinking that we were living it up with a driver in a black suit and one of those cute little hats waiting in baggage claim with our names on a board to then escort us to a limo with a minibar...our driver was supposed to be a nice guy driving a minivan. Anyway, just as we reach baggage claim, we get a call from him telling us that the van (which the company just bought new, and it only has 10,000 miles on it) broke down. So in the end, our main contact had to drive an hour from Tuscaloosa to the Birmingham airport (giving us time though to grab a snack) and drive back to Tuscaloosa.

We checked into the hotel, relaxed for a little while, grabbed showers and got dressed for dinner, which included divine barbecue, potato salad, baked beans (which I skipped) and sweet tea (perhaps my favorite thing about the south) - all provided by our very gracious hosts. With full bellies, we returned to the hotel, caught up on some tv and crashed.

We were up early on Saturday so that we could enjoy a good southern breakfast, complete with grits (which on this trip I learned I do not like with butter, but do enjoy with gouda). It was rainy and cloudy, but the weather guy said the rain would stop before the game.

It was then on to the Quad on campus to tailgate the way tailgating was meant to be done - show up, drink, eat, sit under a tent, enjoy, watch other football games on the flat screen, go watch the game - basically meaning someone else gets to set up and clean up.

After tailgating (more good food and adult beverages), we headed over to the stadium to hitch an elevator ride to the skybox. While we were waiting in line, we had the pleasure of seeing Charles Barkley walk by. The skybox was amazing, with more great food and company. And of course the game was...awesome - Alabama shut out Auburn 36 to zip, zero, nada. We got to experience the legendary Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer song first hand. Of course, earlier in the afternoon, the bf had thrown me under the bus by spilling to our hosts that he had practiced the song in advance and I had not. No worries, I did fine, and we had an absolute blast at the game.

We hoofed it back to the truck and then hit a great suburban restaurant, of which, of course, I can't remember the name. Warmed up with some hot cocoa and a nice Pinot Noir, and this is where I learned I like grits with gouda. It was a nice relaxing evening, the perfect way to finish off a long, fun-filled day.

Back at the hotel, it was such a long day that I was going to read while the bf caught up on the remainder of the college football scores. I don't even think I lasted two minutes. Of course, he was nice enough to inform me the next morning that i had been snoring.

On Sunday, our flight wasn't until 4:30, so we had plenty of time to sleep in, grab breakfast at the hotel and pack our stuff. This time all of the toiletries went into his bag, so that we could carry my bag on and not have to pay $15 to check it. We grabbed lunch with our hosts; then the nice guy with the minivan (this one operating as it should) drove us back to the airport, which then began the 10 hours of travel nightmares.

Our flight path was scheduled to take us from Birmingham to Atlanta (the busiest airport in the nation) for a short layover, and then on to Cleveland, arriving home by 9:45 pm. The fun started in security tagged the bf for the special full-body pat down and bomb testing of the luggage. Of course, the most amusing part for me? He was carrying my bag. So when they opened it, they were taking out my heels, dress pants and underwear. I asked him later whether he told them it was his girlfriend's bag or that he was a crossdresser. At that point, we had already found out our first flight was delayed by at least an hour, so he didn't seem so amused. So after waiting for our delayed flight for an extra 90 minutes, we finally departed for Atlanta.

Luckily, our Atlanta to Cleveland flight was also delayed, which meant we avoided having to find a hotel room in Atlanta. From what I had heard from friends, Atlanta is a nightmare to fly through normally, let alone on a busy holiday weekend. Regardless, we had enough time to quickly grab ham sandwiches and Cheetos (which the bf was nice enough to remember is one of my favorite snacks). While we finally made it into Cleveland around 11:15ish, the bf's bag did not. It was still in Atlanta because somehow Delta couldn't manage to transfer bags from their plane to a continental plane in 60 minutes. So the bf spent 20 or 30 minutes in Continental's luggage office filing a claim (along with a number of other folks who had been on both of our flights).

Luckily, I don't live far from the airport, so we finally made it home around 12:15 and crashed. (And we figured it out, that we basically could have driven back to Ohio in the same amount of time.) While we were both planning on going into work on Monday morning, having to go get back to the airport to get the bag changed our plans. So we took advantage of the situation. We slept in until about 8:30 when we got the call that the suitcase had indeed made it to Cleveland, grabbed quick showers, swung by the airport to get the bag and went to breakfast. (I have to say that It really helps the relationship that we're both huge breakfast fans.)

So that is the probably-way-too-long detailed version of our first trip together. We successfully weathered it, didn't bicker even once and managed to still want to be together. It was just a weekend trip, but I think it bodes well for us.

Random inspiration VII

2008-11-10T18:16:00.002-05:00

Like putting together the ingredients of a cake - if you put together love, courage and tenderness - you will get a great life - every time. ~Laura Teresa Marquez

Tenderness is the repose of passion. ~Joseph Joubert

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. ~Robert Frost

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. ~Enrich Segal

You know you are a Boy Scout when...

2008-11-09T10:32:00.008-05:00

As you know, there are all types of facintating groups on Facebook. I found one today that had me rolling on the floor - "You Know You Are A Boy Scout When..." It includes a list of 162 ways to determine whether or not you are. If you aren't, you probably won't even find this entry remotely funny. For those of us raised in Scouting and for whom it is a way of life, it's pretty funny.

Here's a link to the group http://tiny.cc/gEyh4 and my commentary follows on a couple that have the most personal relevance to me.

5-You can relate anything you do to a camp story.
I find myself way too often starting out a story with "remember that time at Scout camp." That's fine for my friends who lived through those adventures with me. For everyone else, it just makes me seem weirder that I already am. Beside how many girls have tons and tons of Boy Scout camp stories?? What I've discovered this year is that apparently Scout camp is the only place where I have any street cred.

39-You see the dirt in your food, but eat it anyway.
Part of my Boy Scouting street cred is the three times I've been to Philmont, a 127,000+ acre Boy Scout ranch located near Cimarron, N.M., in the Sangre de Cristo mountains in the northeastern part of the state. Now, when I was on my first week-long Mountain Women trek, as well as the longer, and much more strenuous, Rayado trek, we started our adventures with the "five-second food rule." If any type of food fell on the ground, it was still good for five seconds. By the middle of the twenty-one-day Rayado trek, I think we were up to five minutes or longer. As long as there wasn't anything crawling on it - or at least nothing that couldn't be brushed off - the food was fair game. I'm not sure my tolerance would be quite as high now.

44-You couldn't imagine dating someone non-scouting.
For most of my life, the joke in my family is that there is a rank requirement to date and marry an Eidam daughter. My brother-in-law is an Eagle Scout. He and my sister met while working on staff together at Seven Ranges (though they didn't start dating until summer camp was over). And Joe proposed to Penny at the chapel at Camp McKinley (where my parents lived until yesterday, now they're at Seven Ranges). The current bf is not an Eagle Scout. But so far, my parents seem to like him, so he might get in without the rank requirement. Though my sister was nice enough yesterday to point out that the family is going to have to take a vote in order to make it official. I told her she better make it soon.

50-As a Scouter your fire starting tools of choice are flint and steel and camp fuel (which gets pour on when the kids aren't around).
Is there another way to start a fire?!?!?!?! Camp "fuel" always worked, especially when the OA guys were the ones responsible for the campfire.

61-You are known by your scout name to more people than by your real name.
My father is known fondly as Ranger Skip. Though his given name is Philip, he has always been known as Skip in Scouting circles. And since he's worked for the Scouts since 1996, pretty much everyone calls him Skip. I can't tell you the last time I heard someone call him Phil. (My mom does call him Vincent - his middle name - when he's in trouble.)

84-You know you're a Scout when you and your significant other met while working at camp, and over half the people at your wedding were scouts.
This one goes back to my sister and brother-in-law. Deciding what to wear to their wedding would have been easier for well over half the attendees at their wedding if the invitation had "Class A Dress Preferred."

92-You know you're a Boy Scout when you refer to the chipmunks on campus as "Mini-bears."
Gee, I thought everyone called chipmunks "mini-bears."

105-You come home from a jamboree and walk down the street at home and want to say hello to everyone you walk past, because it just feels natural.
My parents are friendly anyways, but I'm sure they felt this way after coming home from serving on the staff of the national jamboree.

152-You know you're a Boy Scout when you have the ability to fall asleep anywhere, anytime no matter what's going on around you.
This is how I can tell that I'm way too removed from Scouting in my every day life. In high school, it was a joke that I could sleep anywhere. Top bunk with the overhead lights blaring in Riddle Cabin. Next to the campfire. In the back of the van on the way home from our backpacking trip (there may have been some other things going on back there, but I'll never tell. Hey, it was a co-ed group and the grownups couldn't watch us all of the time). Now I have horrible sleeping abilities and am lucky if I can fall and stay asleep in my own bed.

Blue v. Red, spouse v. spouse

2008-11-04T18:26:00.004-05:00

Regardless of which way today's election goes it will be historical. If the Democrats win the White House, the first African-American will become president of the United States. If the Republicans take it, the first woman will become vice president.

Of course, among friends and work colleagues, there can be varying political views. But what happens when the political differences are between you and the person who sleeps on the pillow next to you?

There can be extremely fundamental differences between spouses - one might be pro-choice, one might be in favor of smaller government. I've read postings from people that say they simply can't discuss politics with their significant other because it can result in a knock-down, drag-out fight. I've read others that said they wouldn't have married their spouse if they were of a different political persuasion.

In my (humble) opinion, differences in politics are like any difference in view you may have with the person you love. One to be discussed, reasonably. You will never agree with your spouse 100 percent of the time on every issue - regardless of it involves politics. However, I see no reason why two intelligent adults can't sit down and reasonably discuss a topic that is of importance to one or both parties. Even if there is disagreement, each party should respect the other's point of view.

Maybe I have too simplistic of a view, but it just seems plain silly to me if spouses (unreasonably) fight over politics. Regardless of our difference in views, I would still like to wake up with my significant other smiling at me.

Jack o' creativity - the spooky chapter

2008-10-29T21:30:00.002-04:00

Here's the pumpkins by candlelight.

My home has gone to the furry ones

2008-10-28T19:53:00.008-04:00

So as frequently seems to happen to me, I walked through the door into my dark apartment this evening, and as I turned the corner at the kitchen counter, my feet hit a number of inanimate objects on the floor.

I flipped the light over the sink on and was met by a drinking glass (yes, one made of actual glass - luckily it didn't break), an empty Advil bottle and my new S'mores figurine lying haphazardly on the floor.

What does this mean? It means that my youngest troublemaker, Archimedes (the curious black cat pictured here), has been traipsing around on part of my kitchen counter while I was working hard at the office to put a roof over his head.

This is similar to what greets me every morning in the bathroom, a tipped-over trash can. Archimedes tips it over in order to pull out the q-tips. The best part is that he does it multiple times during the day. It's tipped over when I get home, it's tipped over when I go back into the bathroom to prep for bed, it's tipped over when I get up in the morning.

The second best thing is what he does with the q-tips - he plays with them until he gets bored and then he throws them under the bookcase in the dining room. This adds to his collection of milk bottle rims, toy mice and hair bands. Well, if I'm ever running low on any of these items, at least I know where to look.

My children are rounded out with Shelby, seen lounging above, and my diva, Patches, my calico shown super, super lounging at the left.

So while I'm working hard, the kitty crew are living large at home.

Brotherly love

2008-10-27T19:30:00.017-04:00

My parents both come from small families. Each of them has one brother. My dad's brother - my Uncle Greg - lives in Knoxville, Tenn., and celebrated his 60th birthday this past March. My cousins threw my uncle a big weekend party to celebrate the occasion.

My parents ventured south to warmer pastures (March in Tennessee is definitely warmer than March in Ohio) for the weekend.

My cousin Shannon was in town last weekend to spend her school's fall break with me and was nice enough to share these photos with me. I just couldn't resist posting them.

Photo 1: See Uncle Greg be kissed by my Dad, Skip

Photo 2: The Eidam brothers hammin' it up.

Photo 3: All of the Eidam boys - Curt and Greg (my cousins), Uncle Greg, Skip

It had been years since everyone had been together under one roof. Unfortunately, my sister and I weren't able to make it down, but it was great that the original Eidam brothers were able to get together and share the love.

Jack o' creativity

2008-10-27T19:04:00.010-04:00

The bf had a most brilliant idea this past weekend - let's carve pumpkins! Sheer brilliance. I haven't carved pumpkins since maybe I was 10 or 11. Needless to say, I was very excited!

So we trekked down to the local farmer's market to choose the blank pumpkin palettes that would become our artistic masterpieces. (Of course, we also had to pick up some homemade bread, strawberry jam, grapes and the best part, the chocolate buckeyes he found as the cashier was ringing us out - yum!)

My jack 'o lantern (pictured above) has interesting eyes, but lacks original character in the mouth. Bf's pumpkin on the other hand (captured here) has the spice of creativity that mine seems to be lacking - his is puking its guts out.

Now I just need the nighttime photos where their funny faces are glowing by candlelight.

And I have 12 months to plot next year's brilliant creative pumpkin masterpiece. He beat me this year, but I'm going to call it a "practice round" - which means it's game on next Halloween!

Full circle

2008-10-26T18:26:00.007-04:00

In my first blog entry, I mentioned a person who had come back into my life, a person who completely turned things upside down and startled the outlook I had long held tightly to.

In the same entry, I made a bold statement that I only wanted to fall in love one more time in my life.

I probably told myself at the time that this person and this wish were not linked together – though I’m nearly positive that is what my subconscious desired.

In the time since then, this person and this wish have become directly linked together. In this man I have found the person I will love and spend the rest of my life with.

In this man I have found the one who makes me laugh and feel safe, who challenges me, who loves me and my quirks, who makes me smile at all the right moments, who is tender and passionate, who I adore and want to spend all of our days together making happy.

Down on one knee, foiled

2008-10-15T11:51:00.006-04:00

So while driving home the other night, I had what I thought was a brilliant idea for a new book - one that I would of course write and from which I would make millions.

Why not write a book - aimed at guys - on how to make the best marriage proposal to the woman you love (though I did figure I could throw in a chapter for the gal looking to surprise her guy - or her gal - with a proposal).

Then I jumped on Amazon.com to see if any other books on this topic existed... much to my chagrin, it's been done already. Boy, I'm always behind the curve.

But in the meantime, I've decided to informally poll my engaged and married friends to see what their personal proposal stories are. Maybe some other brilliant angle to this book idea will come to me. I'd hate to lose out on the millions due to me.

The view from 25

2008-10-15T11:38:00.005-04:00

So the PR firm I work for just moved into new digs on the 24th and 25th floors of Cleveland's historical Terminal Tower. With the move comes a new company name - Falls Communications - and a new view (pictured here). So, not only do I have a new view from my new office (though it is sans door), but my window opens. For me, this is a definite bonus!

In our old space, I had a window, but my view was the immediate side of another building.

So here's to watching the fireworks at Indians games next year from my perch on the 25th floor.

Random inspiration VI

2008-10-12T13:10:00.002-04:00

You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
What mood is that?
Last-minute panic.
~ Calvin & Hobbes

Enthusiasm is excitement with inspiration, motivation and a pinch of creativity. ~ Bo Bennett

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. ~ Scott Adams

Creative minds are rarely tidy.

The creative person is both more primitive and more cultivated, more destructive, a lot madder and a lot saner, than the average person. ~ Frank Barron

Every act of creation is first of all an act of destruction. ~ Pablo Picasso

The colors of fall

2008-10-08T19:22:00.003-04:00

Though I'm still trying to get used to the quickly shortening days and too-rapidly falling temperatures, I am anxious for the beautiful colors of fall.

Autumn is my favorite season (see "10 things I love about fall" entry). My childhood fall seasons were spent outside, hiking in the woods and jumping in the leaves (of course, after we raked them).

Fall camp outs at Scout camp included hot cocoa around an evening campfire, hanging out with friends and perhaps even the occasional campfire song.

I find the season romantic and quixotic. Evenings curled up by candlelight. Sleeping in on a random Saturday morning. Long drives on a cool Sunday afternoon.

It's a shame when the snow comes.

Always as a gift

2008-10-05T15:10:00.011-04:00

Why is it that some women require their boyfriend, partner, husband to say "I love you" at the beginning or end of every interaction... every time he walks in the door, every time he leaves for work, at the end of every phone conversation? Is she afraid that if she doesn't require it, he'll never say it? Does she think he needs to be constantly reminded?

It doesn't make any sense to me. Requiring it will all too soon turn into "Iloveyoubye." One word, not the three separate syllables it should be. Every time I hear these words from the man in my life, I want to know that when he looks in my eyes, or holds me tight against him, and he tells me "I love you," that in that moment, nothing else matters. And I want him to know that when I say those words to him, that there is nothing more important than him.

i never want the words "I love you" to be a requirement. I always want them to be a gift, to be received and cherished.

The entrance

2008-09-28T19:16:00.006-04:00

Love walked in on a Saturday
Tiptoed to the edge of the bed and
Slipped nearly silently beneath the cool sheets
The only indication a whisper in my ear

I suspect he'd been concealing himself
For some time just behind the closed door
Waiting for a hint that he'd be met with open
Tenderness and safety, passion and abandon

Love caressed me softly, brushed the hair
Back from my face, held me tightly against him
There was no hesitation in his words only
Desire, veneration, wanting, insistence

From me, he easily extracted plans and
Promises for the moment in front of us,
The tomorrows waiting around the corner
Words from me never before spoken

I am bound to him, but without ties or shackles
I belong to him, but without obligation
I love him, without inhibition, with all that I am
Love is here for all the Saturdays to come

10 things I love about fall

2008-09-17T19:30:00.010-04:00

While others are complaining about the waning of summer, I'm anxiously awaiting the official arrival of fall. For as long as I can remember, it has been my favorite season of the year. While it takes me a while to get used to the sun setting so early, there are many things I love about fall:

10. The cool, crispness in the air

09. A hillside brilliantly lit up with vibrant reds, oranges and yellows

08. My mom's hot cocoa

07. Dad's Thanksgiving stuffing (which it looks I will probably have to live without this year...boo)

06. Long, leisurely walks in the woods

05. Driving down the rural road to my parents with the windows down, heat on high and music blasting...watching the fallen leaves kick up behind my car

04. Carving pumpkins (though unfortunately, it's been years since I've actually done it)

03. More evenings by candlelight - my particular fall favorite is pumpkin spice

02. Bundled in a cozy sweatshirt and blanket in front of a crackling fire

01. Sleeping with the windows open and snuggling under the comforter with my favorite person :)

100 things about me: the final installment

2008-09-02T20:43:00.008-04:00

1. At my most basic, I want to reach a point in my life where I'm happy more than I'm not; be able to love and be loved without stress; feel comfortable with myself and where I'm at in my life; be a good daughter, sister, friend and partner; and just plain enjoy my life.

2. I'm with an amazing guy who seems to be gifted with the uncanny ability to get along with me. Try not to hold it against him.

3. I'm fascinated by Native American mythology.

4. When I'm sick, I want to be babied. I don't want to be by myself. I want someone else there who will run to the store at 7 in the morning and buy me ice cream and Vernors soda, check on me in the middle of the night, rub my back, sit with me through a movie marathon and indulge my randomness.

5. I'm bad at picking lines - lines at the grocery store, turnpike toll booth, BMV - doesn't matter where the line is, I'm bad at picking and guaranteed to wait...a really, really long time.

100 things about me: nearly the last installment

2008-09-02T20:40:00.009-04:00

5. With me, you typically get bright or early, but not both. If I'm early, I'm not bright. If I'm bright, it's not likely to be early. There is a rare occasion where bright and early happen simultaneously. Of course, no one else usually benefits from that perfect storm except for my cats.

6. I really want to know the origin of "going to hell in a hand basket." Guess I could just Google it instead of writing about it here.

7. For me, nearly everything is better by candlelight - dinner, romance, reading, relaxing, seduction, conversation, just hanging out. I should probably own stock in a candle company.

8. My favorite candy bar is Three Musketeers.

9. I tend to double dip, though I try to be careful depending on the company I'm keeping at the time.

10. My worst job ever was during a college summer when I worked for a pottery in quality control. It was hot, I had to sit on a little stool all day long. It was not fun.

100 things about me: installment nine

2008-08-31T14:59:00.014-04:00

11. Music can totally control my mood. Rock, indie, classical, rap, folk, alternative, country, jazz, reggae, R&B, etc. There are songs that I blast at full volume in my car. There are songs I play when trying to relax. There are songs I play when spending a quiet night in. There are songs I identify with certain people, certain moments, certain moods. I suppose like anyone, my life has a soundtrack - though I'm probably the only one even remotely interested in it.

12. Someday I'd like to write and publish a novel, or at least a collection of short stories.

13. Fall is my favorite season, hands down. I find romance in the color of the leaves on the mountainside, the crisp edge of the air, bundled in a blanket sitting out next to the lake watching the stars come out.

14. I spent much of first grade in front of the pencil sharpener facing the wall - punishment for talking in class. That started a trend. When mom and dad went to parent-teacher conferences, the only thing I ever really had to be afraid of was the teacher reporting back to them how much I talked in class. Though Dad knew there was something wrong with my freshman science teacher (and not me), when the teacher told my dad that I never raised my hand and never talked in class. Dad told me it didn't matter that I didn't like the teacher, I still needed to get an A.

15. I love thunderstorms.

16. I had braces when I was in eighth grade.

17. The summer before I graduated from college I rolled a rider lawnmower into the lake at Camp McKinley. I had been helping my father mow grass. I ended up with seven stitches in my head. I guess I'm lucky I didn't do more, possible more permanent, damage to myself.

18. My favorite news program is CBS News Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood. Each segment is an in-depth look at the unique angles of stories leading today's headlines, as well as those I wouldn't otherwise here about. It's kind of like NPR for TV. Besides, who can't get on board with a show who shows a sun as it's brand and as it goes to every commercial break. My only problem? Getting up on Sunday mornings by nine to turn it on.

19. Some times I can be my own worst enemy.

20. My favorite flower is the Gerber daisy.

100 things about me: installment eight

2008-08-29T15:48:00.006-04:00

The "things I'm not" session:

21. I'm not even remotely a wall flower.

22. I'm not sure what I want to be when I grow up.

23. I'm not often good at keeping my opinions to myself.

24. I'm not a fan of curling.

25. When I buy a gift for someone that I'm positive they will absolutely love, I'm not good at keeping it a secret. I get too excited about it and feel the need to share...like...right now.

26. I'm not interested in people who are fake. You know...like plastic people :)

27. I'm not a fan of not being sure about the things in my life. Though, sometimes the things I am most unsure about bring me the greatest joy. It's a constant battle to try and be patient with some things in my life progressing at their own speed. I'm much more comfortable being in the driver's seat. But of course, when there are other people involved, this can cause conflict.

28. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a fan of Star Wars...and Star Trek (as long as it doesn't involve a costumed convention). The trouble with tribbles is...

29. I'm not obsessed with celebrities, though I do tend to peripherally follow them. I need to at least be up to speed on the big stuff for lunch-time conversations.

30. I'm not sure what to enter here. I reserve the right to come back and change #30.

100 things about me: installment seven

2008-08-28T00:21:00.004-04:00

31. I'm 1/4 German (dad), 1/4 Polish (dad) and 1/2 Hungarian (mom).

32. While some people have one or two favorite restaurants, I have a favorite restaurant for different types of foods. Grilled cheese at Melt in Lakewood. Mac 'n cheese at Krazy Mac's (formerly Cheddar's) in Cleveland. White cheddar mashed potatoes at Cleveland Chophouse. Hot dogs with cheddar at the Hot Dog Shoppe in East Liverpool. Pasta - salmon farfalle at Vivo and mushroom tagliatelle at Bice, both in downtown Cleveland.

33. I like to move my furniture around frequently. This has always been the case, ever since I moved into my own room at age seven. Unfortunately, my current apartment doesn't really contribute this obsession.

34. My family's favorite card game is euchre. I'm decent at it. I just don't have the patience or desire to count the cards and pay attention to what's been played and what hasn't. The only cards I care about are the left and right bowers.

35. My favorite colors are red, red, red and black.

36. I really want to go to grad school. Right now, I'm thinking about the master's in environmental studies at Cleveland State University. It's just a matter of finding the time and oh, the money.

37. I learned to drive on a standard and took my driving test on a standard (passed the first time, thank you very much). After driving a standard in Philly, I'll never own one again. The other nonnegotiable for any car I own is that it must include a sunroof.

38. I was born in Elyria, Ohio, though was technically a resident of East Liverpool, Ohio, located two hours away. When my parents moved to East Liverpool, my mom kept her doctor in Elyria, where she's originally from.

39. When I was in my teens, I wanted to be a marine or wildlife biologist. There's nothing quite as amazing as watching a humpback whale coming up out of the water and crashing back into the ocean, or seeing a wolf disappear into the treeline.

40. Christmas is my hands-down favorite holiday. My family tradition includes attending Midnight Mass (my one time a year to be a Catholic), rushing home and getting into our PJs and opening gifts starting at 1:30 in the morning. Dad is the only one who can hand out gifts. And of course, it wouldn't be complete without the wrapping paper fight. After all the gifts are opened (except for the one my mom holds to open on Christmas Day morning), we break out the chips and dip (which MUST be Lawson's french onion chip dip from what is now Circle K) and watch a family movie. People start crashing around 4:30/5 am. We sleep in, though Dad gets up around 9 am to start dinner.

100 things about me: installment six

2008-08-27T22:59:00.020-04:00

41. I don't have much interest in video games, but I have to say, I ROCK at Tetris.

42. My cousin Shannon is one of my other closest friends. While we grew up in different states, we were inseparable when we were together. We're only four days apart (with the emphasis from her on the fact that she's the oldest). My dad has always called us the bobbsey twins

43. My idea of a perfect romantic weekend includes a quiet cabin, hiking in the woods, maybe a canoeing trip, candlelight and campfire. Ok, then there's my other personality that would love a weekend in Chicago, posh hotel, great restaurants, an evening show and a stroll along the lake. The common denominator between these two divergent ideas may be the emphasis on quality in-bed time :)

44. I played the flute in the Beaver Local Middle School band from fifth through seventh grade. I transferred to St. Anthony's Catholic School in eighth grade. While the school didn't have a band, I was a member of the choir. The choir director learned that I played flute, and before I knew it, I was accompanying the choir at our Christmas performance in the middle of Southern Park Mall.

45. The room I hate cleaning most in the world is the bathroom.

46. I spent 12 years in Girl Scouts but did not earn my Gold Award. One of my regrets.

47. I'm planning to volunteer for my first-ever political campaign. I just don't want to have to canvas neighborhoods, make phone calls or host a party. I guess that leaves me with stuffing envelopes.

48. I don't always have a lot of patience. I like to blame my ex for sucking it all out of me. (Though I think maybe my mom was the first to come up with this idea.) Since this doesn't usually (ok, never) serves me well presently, I try to chill out. Occasionally, it even works.

49. This winter I want to learn to snowboard. Next spring, I want to try white water rafting.

50. I'm addicted to NPR. I prefer it to all other forms of media - though I don't listen to it as much as I did when my commute was an hour each way. My favorite shows are "This American Life" and "Fresh Air." I've heard a rumor that at some point a show ran where Ira Glass and Terry Gross interview each other. Note to self, find it and download it.

100 things about me: installment five - the "I've never" edition

2008-08-26T13:50:00.014-04:00

I need a day or two to come up with additional unique, witty entries. So to buy myself some creative time, this entry is the "I've never" edition.

51. I've never shoplifted.

52. I've never been to Europe. Though if I put in just 7-1/2 more years at Falls, Rob will pay for me to go. Not sure I want to wait that long.

53. I'd like to say I've never lied to my parents, but I was a teenage girl with a boyfriend and a curfew. Let's just say it might have happened once, or twice, or thrice.

54. I've never gotten a tattoo. I suppose there's still time for that. Though since I don't want anything easily visible, not sure where I'd get it, or even have a clue on what I would get.

55. I've never had a one-night stand. Couple of nights maybe, but never just one. Just kidding!

56. I've never been to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Spent time on the rim, but no time all the way down in.

57. As sure as I can be, I've never lived a past life. The concept interests me, but I've never had dreams or flashbacks of myself in any earlier time. If I'm in the middle of my first life now, I'm pretty interested to see what my second life holds for me.

58. I've never been shot out of a cannon or been anything else resembling a circus star. Though at times, my life has seemed like a three-ring circus.

59. I've never been to a rap concert. Steve Miller Band, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Garth Brooks (twice)...yes. Even (and trust me I hate to admit this) New Kids on the Block (please remember that I was 15 and only went because of peer pressure :). But never a rap concert.

60. I've never been on a cruise. Not sure if I'm missing anything here. I think I'd rather spend a week at an all-inclusive resort.

100 things about me: installment four

2008-08-25T13:03:00.010-04:00

61. I would like to try skydiving and bungee jumping.

62. Kat is my oldest, "technically" non-relative friend. Though we can't pinpoint it exactly, we figure we've been friends for just over 20 years. (Did I just say 20 years?!?!?! Holy crap.) She knows all of my good, probably all of my bad and...drum roll, please...she still loves me, still talks to me and doesn't hold any of it against me. I love her too!

63. I write poetry in my free time. (Notice I didn't say that it was good.) I used to write all of the time in high school and college, and then stopped. I need to figure out a way to unlock better creativity within myself.

64. Most teens spend their weekends partying and drinking with friends. Not me. I spent most of my weekends and summer breaks at Boy Scout camp, specifically Camp McKinley. This incldued day camp, polar bear camp, spring camp, summer camp, etc., etc., etc. I was a what they call a regular. Besides, when you're 15, and the boy-to-girl ratio is 40-1...you play the odds. The irony now is that my parents live at the Stone House at Camp McKinley. Too bad they didn't live there when I was in high school...sure would have cut down on my commuting time...and maybe I would have gotten into less trouble.

65. I started my college career at Bowling Green and then transferred to Kent State in my junior year specifically for its PR program.

66. You won't find any better PopTart flavor than frosted brown sugar cinnamon.

67. When I graduated from college, I packed up my stuff and moved to Philadelphia. I loved living there. It's a great city, close to NYC, the Jersey shore, Baltimore, DC, mountains, etc. Plus, you can't find good hoagies, soft pretzels or cheesesteaks in Ohio. The one word that I hung onto from my time in Philly is "soda." I've been back in Ohio for more than seven years and just can't call it pop. Don't think I'll ever be able to.

68. In addition to my neices, Olivia and Cassandra, I am aunt to a number of other children that I adore - most notably, my goddaughter Carolyn (who is going to be 14 in November - gasp, is taller than me and absolutely beautiful!), Kat's youngest daughter Katrina and my cousin Shannon's darling munchkins, Zarah and Zender...though I'm not sure that you can classify Zarah as a munchkin, as she will be turning the ripe old age of 12 this fall. (Ok, reminder to me...need to get my butt to Tennessee to see Zarah and Zender, both of whom I haven't seen in well over a year. Hopefully, this doesn't make me a bad aunt.)

69. I hate olives. Black olives, green olives, marinated olives. Doesn't matter what you do to them, how you prepare them. I do not like them at all.

70. Kate is just short for Katie. My mom wanted to name my sister and I shorter names, so that we wouldn't go by a nickname. Well, that worked out for her. I go by Kate because I really don't want to be 80 and have people calling me Katie. Just seems way too cutesy.

100 things about me: installment three

2008-08-24T18:56:00.003-04:00

71. More than anyone I’ve lost, I miss my grandfather most.

72. I can be deeply complicated. Then on the other hand, not so much.

73. My celebrity crushes include LL Cool J and John Cusack.

74. I’ve been told I can be a bit high maintenance. I don’t think it’s in a bad way.

75. I’m a bit addicted to Facebook.

76. In junior high, I played softball, first base. Couple of home runs here, couple of home runs there.

77. My favorite TV shows are House, Two-and-a-Half Men, NCIS, Cold Case and Without a Trace. I’m sure the list would be different if I had cable.

78. I love extra cheese on pizza, in pasta, on garlic bread, on sandwiches, on pretty much anything.

79. Last year’s Browns’ season opener against the Steelers was the first NFL game I ever attended. I sometimes find myself watching a game on TV now, just for the hell of it. Shhhhh, don’t tell.

80. My favorite summer is the one I spent in Cimarron, NM, working on staff at Philmont Boy Scout Ranch. It was the summer I was most free.

100 things about me: installment two

2008-08-23T11:22:00.005-04:00

81. I have twin nieces – Cass and Livvy – who just turned one. They are walking maniacs. I love being an aunt.

82. One of my all-time favorite foods is mushrooms. When I’m out, I tell the waiter that I want my pasta with “extra, extra, extra mushrooms, and just when the chef thinks he’s put in enough, he should add some more.” Eighty percent of the time there’s not enough.

83. I’m a voracious reader, always have been. When I was little and my mom would make me clean my room (which was nearly always a declared natural disaster area), I would hide on the floor on the other side of the bed and read. She would come in to check on my progress (which was nearly zero) and catch me reading. She would confiscate the book and put it on the roll-top desk in the hallway. Let’s just say that by the end of me “cleaning” my room, there were usually no fewer than 10 books stacked on the desk.

84. I pluck my eyebrows in the car. The lighting is much better than in my bathroom.

85. I did the marriage thing once. It didn’t work out. I would consider doing it again for the right person.

86. I know a lot about weird, miscellaneous subjects – like welding, construction equipment, disaster recovery, securities litigation and employment and labor law. One of the many benefits of being in PR. Besides, it makes me super popular at cocktail parties.

87. I can be very sentimental and a bit of a hopeless romantic.

88. My favorite numbers are 3 and 7.

89. I drive a sunburst orange Jeep Compass. Yes, the color is really called sunburst orange.

90. I imagined myself to be at a different place at this point in my life. Hopefully, the trials of the past are worth it for what hopefully lies on the horizon.

100 things about me: installment one

2008-08-22T19:47:00.009-04:00

My adventure of the day is to come up with 100 unique and truly intriguing things about myself. The task seems a bit daunting, so I decided to break it into more manageable parts. So here's the first installment of ten.

91. I am the oldest of two. My sister would tell you that you should feel sorry for her for having to have grown up as Kate's little sister. (I tell her my bossing her around made her a stronger person. She says I just say that to make myself feel better.)

92. I have a love-hate relationship with my plants. I love it when they bloom. They hate it when I don't water them.

93. Unlike many college graduates, I actually do for a living what my degree is in (public relations).

94. I tend to way over think things. Sometimes to my detriment.

95. I always prefer strawberry jelly.

96. I grew up in a Scouting family. Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts. My parents even live at a Boy Scout camp. For a long time, the joke was that a boy had to be an Eagle Scout to marry an Eidam daughter.

97. I have three children of the four-legged, furry persuasion. The triple kitty threat of Patches, Shelby and Archimedes. And lately I've found myself wanting a dog, which would probably be almost impossible since I'm not always home that much.

98. My parents have been married for nearly 35 years and are still very much in love. I hope to have that type of relationship and intensity of love in my life.

99. Not sure how much credence I give them, but I check my horoscope and lovescope pretty much daily.

100. I've been to 49 states. Hey, you can't drive to Hawaii.

The last one

2008-08-10T15:23:00.002-04:00

I wish this Sunday was last
With the sun trying to steal in through
The blinds of the east-facing window
Today, the windows are open
And the ocean-blue curtains gently
Flow in the placid lake breeze
The weather too ideal for words
The hanging chimes the only sound
Yet I’d trade this idyllic tranquility
For last Sunday, your head on the
Pillow next to mine in the morning
Moments of tenderness interspersed
With mordant jokes, witty banter
You next to me for a moment more

Not as invincible as I thought

2008-08-04T22:35:00.003-04:00

There are moments in time when we turn around and catch a glimpse of a past life, how things were, when we felt a certain level of confidence in the direction of our lives. There was a point in my life when I felt invincible, like my future path was undoubtedly mapped out in front of me. All I had to do was take the next clearly marked step. I felt safe, certain about the decisions I was making, the life I was living.

Then one day I looked down. And it’s not just that my path was no longer marked, it was missing all together. It felt like I had only closed my eyes for a moment, and in that moment, it had all been stolen from me. There were no breadcrumbs, no markers to lead me back to where I thought I was supposed to be. Everything that made me feel safe, protected was missing. The things that I had held onto had been torn from my hands.

Everything has changed. And now when I turn around and catch that glimpse, the echo, I wonder if maybe I held on too tightly. Some things, some people just aren’t meant to be. We’re meant to have moments of our lives intertwined with theirs, and then the vines untangle and we’re meant to move into someone else’s sphere.

What I wonder now, though, is how do I clearly define when I’m in the right spot, the one where I’m meant to make my new life. Maybe I’m just expecting too much of myself, of fate. I try hard to let things unfold as they will, but sometimes it’s hard for me to let that happen. I want to feel protected, confident in where I am standing, who I’m standing with. Not knowing feels more than a little disconcerting at times.

While I’d love to feel invincible again, I think that maybe there’s more to be said for being fluid, not so steadfast, not so unyielding. I do want to feel safe again. I’m trying to just be patient and keep my eyes open for the breadcrumbs to my new path. I just hope that I clearly know it when I see it, that I won't pick the wrong one. I just don't want to miss it.

Borrowed

2008-07-23T20:49:00.001-04:00

A moment awake in
The dead of night
His head on the
Pillow next to mine
Sounding softly
Intake of a breath

The darkness warm
Reassuring, comforting
The moon sneaks in
Shadows kept at bay
His hand rests silently
Lying in mine

With the morning
Only I have the memory
Of that moment
Borrowed from the darkness
Locked away now
For safekeeping

Pieces

2008-07-14T22:28:00.002-04:00

Tear open the box and
Toss the pieces on the table
A thousand parts scattered
And turned upside down
Carefully flip them right side up
One by one, piece by piece
But still the picture separated,
Broken parts of the whole
Hold the pieces up to the light
The edges have changed,
Morphed over time
But they still seem not to fit
Together quite right
The task to reassemble
Seems pointless, only
Picture perfect on the cover

Random inspiration V

2008-07-07T19:15:00.002-04:00

If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. ~Winston Churchill

He who angers you conquers you. ~Elizabeth Kenny

Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge. ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel. ~Carl W. Buechner

It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweatness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it. ~Christian Nevell Bovee

Passion is the genesis of genius. ~Anthony Robbins

What I want

2008-07-02T22:07:00.005-04:00

I want to be in a relationship with someone who:

I am passionate about and who feels the same about me
Challenges me (though lets me get away with it occasionally)
Makes me laugh hysterically
Fights fair
Will be there when it really matters, and even when it doesn’t
Includes me in all parts of his life and makes me a priority
Makes me feel like I really matter, not just when we’re together
Can be honest with me and himself
Is willing to have the tough conversations when needed
Gets along with my friends and family, or is at least willing to really try
Wants to share the quiet moments with me, as well as the not-so-quiet moments
Is my biggest cheerleader
Knows when to step up and take responsibility
Is great in bed (hey, it never hurts)
When needed, can put aside the ego and really to try to understand where I’m coming from
Shares the good times with me, as well as the bad
Is affectionate at home, as well as when we’re out together or with friends
At the end of the day, knows that it’s not always going to be easy with me, but that it will always be worth it

I know that it doesn’t all come at once, that it doesn’t all come easily. I know that some of it comes with time. And I know that I’m far from perfect. I know that I don’t always get it right. And I would expect the person I’m with to want these things from me as well.

I would also want that person to know that I’m willing to put in the time, that I’m not going to bail when things get hard. I’m willing to work through the differences. But there also comes a time when I really think that it’s not unreasonable to expect certain levels of engagement, inclusion, communication.

And what do you do when the balance is off? When you can't get past something? Or you feel like the other person isn't getting what you're saying? Is there a time when it’s better to walk away? Or is it the time to hold on and fight for it? I guess it’s hard in any relationship to strike the balance between the two. It can be incredibly frustrating, but when everything is on, it can be wonderful.

Is what's past in the past?

2008-06-23T20:26:00.016-04:00

Is it possible to always leave the past in the past? How do past mistakes, past successes, past friendships, past loves factor into or influence the present, the future?

I know that there are certain past experiences in my life that strongly influence my current life, beliefs, practices, interactions.

The outdoors: I grew up somewhat in the sterotypical middle of nowhere on five acres, so I spent much of my childhood outside. My family traveled farily extensively in the summers, so vacations were spent hiking in the mountains, camping in remote locations, exploring national parks, identifying plants, searching for glimpses of rare wildlife. Plus, my grandparents owned 10 acres, so any weekend spent there was full of climbing trees, playing hide and seek in the orchard, swinging as high as possible on the tire swing, riding on the tractor with my grandfather, making snow angels. Next, I come from a die-hard Scouting family - Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts. Through fifth or sixth grade, I spent at least a week every summer at Girl Scout camp - creeking, swimming, campfires, stargazing, singing.

In my teens, I graduated to Boy Scout camp. I was lucky enough to be a member of a co-ed program called Explorers. Plus, my dad was so active in Boy Scouts that I became a regular sidekick at Roundtable and District meetings. I spent an uncountable number of weekends at Camp McKinley, where irony strikes since my parents now live there. And hey, when you're 15, Boy Scout camp is a great place to meet boys, especially with the boy-to-girl ratio is like 50-1. The summer after my junior year of high school, my parents allowed their fearless daughter to board a train to New Mexico to work on staff at Philmont, a Boy Scout ranch, for the entire summer. It was the best one of my life. Even though I just worked in the kitchen (I was only 17 and too young for them to put me anywhere else), my days off were spent backpacking in the back country, hanging with my friends in the staff camps, gallery hopping in Taos, quasi skinny dipping at the hot springs, running Chinese fire drills in the middle of Cimarron, eating nachos with jalapeno peppers. God, it was a great summer.

So with all of these influences, I suppose it's not a surprise that I still enjoy spending time outdoors. There is something about the quiet, the wind whistling in the trees, sitting next to a campfire with friends, laying in the cool grass under the stars, enjoying a colorful sunset that always makes me feel better. There are few other things in my life that can bring me that level of peace.

The type of friend I am: Sometimes when you look at siblings, it's hard to imagine they grew up in the same house. This isn't the case for my sister and I. We have great parents (which means anything that's wrong with me can't be blamed on them) who led by example, so Pen and I were raised to know how important family and friends are. We both would do nearly anything for the people we care about.

The relationship side of me: So I've been in a long-term relationship that completely didn't work out. We got married. We got divorced. Getting to that last part was stressful and at times extremely painful, as well as sprinkled with moments of tears, anger, forgiveness, clarity.

So the question arises of how do the experiences lived while being married and divorced influence a future relationship. From talking to other friends who have lived through the divorce thing, it can vary widely by person. If it was a difficult divorce that involved bitterness, hurt feelings and resentment that lasted through the entire process, sometimes it seems more challenging to move on, forgive, let go of past wrongs.

But if it's possible to be lucky in divorce, I certainly was. We were together a long time. We started dating in our early teens, moved through college and first jobs and got married in our late 20s. Of course, we didn't figure out until after the fact, hurt feelings and missteps that while we each may have meant to be married, it just wasn't to each other. We both worked hard to save the marriage, but we weren't in love with each other anymore. In the end, fortunately, our divorce was mutual, and we parted as friends. Living through the experience changed certain things about me, taught me valuable lessons, influences how I am in a relationship.

So our past experiences, lives influence who we are in the present, who we become in the future. It's up to each of us to determine whether we grow from them, learn from them, become better people because of it.

Does two ever equal one

2008-06-09T21:01:00.010-04:00

They say it's scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space. Yet, when you meet that one person who seems to fill the empty space in your heart, it seems to become possible. The problem is knowing whether or not the person standing in front of you now is that one. That perhaps is the most difficult part of the equation.

I've never been a strong believer in the concept of soul mates - the idea that there is only one person in the world for you. I tend to lean towards the idea that as you move through your life you will come into contact with different people - and sometimes it's the right time and the right person, the one who makes the time spent searching worth it.

But again, the difficult part is knowing when you've found the right one. I'm guessing that the reality of the journey is that it will include some broken hearts and at least one or two someones who you thought might be the one who turn out not to be. I just hope we all get more than one chance to fall in love - to find the one that makes us feel at certain moments that scientific principles can be defied. Here's to the journey.

Will not break

2008-05-27T22:17:00.000-04:00

Like a willow, I will bend
But I will not break
I will bend with the winds
And the challenges that arise
Traverse the waves that crash
Defy attempts to classify
Stave off regret, discontentment
Battle anger, sadness, heartbreak
Reach for the next sunrise
And look forward to what
Lies around the next bend

Random inspiration IV

2008-05-18T20:34:00.002-04:00

Ok, maybe not so inspiring tonight. Guess I'm feeling a little melancholy, so tonight's quotes may be a bit more serious.

Sometimes we lose friends for whose loss our regret is greater than our grief, and others for whom our grief is greater than our regret. - Francois de la Rochefoucauld

If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our greater loss.

Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself.

Time by minutes slips away, first the hour, then the day, small the daily loss appears, yet is soon amounts to year. - Ronald Tierney

Sadness is but a wall between two gardens. - Kahlil Gibran

Living the truth in your heart without compromise brings kindness into the world. Attempts at kindness that compromise your heart cause only sadness.

The demise of absolutes

2008-05-15T13:08:00.004-04:00

Life is full of yes-or-no answers and decisions. Yes, I'd like extra cheese on my pizza. No, I'm not available until 3. Yes, I'll join you for drinks. No, I've got plenty of my time in my schedule for that project (can you hear the dripping sarcasm?). Things tend to default to the lowest common denominator, black and white. Yes, I'll take vanilla, please. And things tend to be phrased in absolutes. Yes, you can do that. No, I changed my mind, you can't.

But that's not where life is lived. Life is lived in the gray areas, between the black and the white, between the yes and the no. In the middle - out on the edge - where colors burst off the page, where passion is a regular part of your daily routine.

When you feel like you're buried under thousands of pounds of rubble that translate into demands on your time, deadlines, clients, projects...all clamoring for what they claim is just a "minute" of your time, it's hard to remember to draw outside the lines, to hang on to the enjoyment, to remember the reason you do it in the first place. So for just today, when things feel more than a little out of control, when it feels that I won't get past this moment, that joy is just beyong my reach, I try to remember that life is fluid. It's not meant to be just yes or no. It's meant to be the sometimes, the maybes, the let's do it now, the let's try something new. It never hurts to try life from from a different angle. You might be pleasantly surprised with your discoveries.

The faces of love

2008-05-13T18:33:00.001-04:00

The right love, unlimited dimensions
Obvious as the rays that dance on the floor,
Easily visible in a shared look, moment --
Tucked away in whispers and shadows
Candlelight reflected in the quiet evening

Passion in the gentle moments spent
Wrapped around, inside one another --
Insistence, baited breath, waiting
For the next brush of fingertips

Tenderness in the soft touch of
Hands intertwined on a long drive --
Head lying on another’s shoulder
Seeking the comfort that results

Pure delight when the other enters
The room, a swell of immense joy --
The compass lies still, confident
It’s found its home, its harbor

Concern for an equal, but greater than
Anticipated, unexpected apprehension --
For the happiness, security, comfort
Of the mirror to one’s soul

Appreciation, admiration of differences
Belonging to each another, compassion --
Providing both the strength to support,
The needed soft place to fall

More than just desire, adoration,
Veneration, deep, ardent affection --
Reciprocated in unforeseen moments
One heart responding to another

The right love, unlimited dimensions
Obvious as the rays that dance on the floor,
Easily visible in a shared look, moment --
Tucked away in whispers and shadows
Candlelight reflected in the quiet evening

The shadows of this life

2008-05-12T22:51:00.006-04:00

This evening I came across this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine." I can clearly identify times in the last couple of years where there were shadows in my life. Some were caused by events outside of my control, but many were the creation of my reactions to those events. I was unable to clear the dark clouds from the sky and see the sun shining on the other side.

All I can be today is thankful for the sun that shines now on my face and the infrequency of shadows from my days.

The long way home

2008-05-01T22:38:00.009-04:00

It's on days like this that I'm reminded why being outside, really outside - away from houses and traffic, sirens and trains, the hustle and bustle of the city - is good for my soul. I took the long way home tonight. While long drives often help me clear my head, tonight's drive happened on winding roads, down through the valley, through the national park, with dusk approaching, past a couple of deer forging for dinner, windows down, sunroof open, music on, fresh spring air moving over my face.

While I grew up in open space, I'm now more of a city dweller. I work in downtown Cleveland and live not even six miles from the office. I'm spoiled by the convenience of being able to get up, shower, get ready and be at my desk in 60 minutes. But between home and work, I rarely seem to get "out." While I appreciate living on a pretty quiet street, the breezes off the lake and the trees that populate my neighborhood, at night the stars are shut out by street lights. I can hear the train running by on the tracks that are in walking distance from my house and planes on their way to land at Cleveland-Hopkins.

So when city living gets to me, I'm fortunate that I can escape to my parents' home. They live on a Boy Scout camp in Lisbon, Ohio. At their house, you can lie in bed at night and hear the bullfrogs and crickets competing in the darkness. There are no barriers - not even one city light - between me sitting on swing in the backyard and the stars in the sky.

I often get caught up in my job and my daily life and the stress that seems to often infuse it. I forget that when things feel out of control and unmanageable, just some time walking in the woods with the path in front of me lit by nothing by moonlight, sitting on the dock listening to the gentle waves hit the edge of the lake, makes me feel better, relaxed, more centered.

With this in mind, I looked up one of the poems that I've always loved...

The road less taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

Escape

2008-04-26T18:44:00.000-04:00

Lying quietly in the cool, damp grass
Still, the wind moving silently in the darkness
Only a whisper of a breeze bushes by
The pines now black juxtaposed
Against a barely charcoal sky
The stars dart in and out of
Clouds moving towards their destination
The moon’s shadows reflect
In the slight movement of the current
A quiet night, a needed escape

Halfway

2008-04-21T20:21:00.001-04:00

Meet me halfway between
This moment and the next
Somewhere safe
Between the center of today
And the chasm of forever
Everyplace between the
Here and the tomorrow

The center of nowhere

2008-04-21T19:39:00.001-04:00

Compromise has made a quite name for itself
The proverbial savior of difficult situations
Each side forced to give up something
For the saving grace of the greater good
For the happiness of the whole
Each making concessions for
The quiet settlement of differences
Each side obligated to sacrifice
Something precious of themselves

Random inspiration III

2008-04-17T21:29:00.003-04:00

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That hills and valley, dales and fields,
Or woods or steepy mountain yields.
- Christopher Marlowe, 1564-1593
English poet and dramatist

I cannot exist without you.
I am forgetful of everything
but seeing you again –
my Life seems to stop there –
I see no further.
- John Keats, 1795-1821
English poet

I have spread my dreams
under your feet.
Tread softly because
you tread on my dreams.
- W.B Yeats, 1865-1919
Irish poet and writer

Loss

2008-04-13T19:03:00.004-04:00

When loss comes, it is often unexpected, immediate and heartbreaking. The most distinguishable form of loss is death, losing someone who you love unexpectedly.

When I was much younger, my grandfather was my favorite person. My most cherished memories from that time in my life are from adventures spent with him, at his house, in his arms. I remember being curled up on him watching Bonanza and inhaling the scent of his cigar. Sitting in his lap as the tractor chugged down the back five. Proudly holding my sap-sticky hands up to him after I had spent hours climbing in the pine trees that bordered the house. He died when I was 11. Even if my parents knew it was coming, for me it was unexpected, immediate and heartbreaking. I remember feeling like my world was ending. According to my mom, she saw a distinct change in me after that. A part of me just wasn’t able to recover from the loss of him.

But loss isn’t always so immediate. Sometimes it happens over time. A friendship or love that is slowly extinguished, sometimes so slowly that it’s impossible to see it happening until it’s too late. The pain and the anguish aren’t any less. It just took longer for them to build and for the realization they were present.

It is in many of us to desire to protect ourselves from the pain that comes from extreme loss. What do you do when your heart has been broken, and in a moment of acute anger, you swear to the gods that you refuse to ever expose yourself to that type of loss again. You make this pact in a moment of extreme pain. It comes from a place of darkness, fear, self doubt, tears. A location where little forgiveness for oneself or the offender is found.

But this level of protectionism can’t be maintained if one wants open oneself up to the possibilities that might be, can it? The bonds of the pact have to be broken. It’s the only way to open oneself up to the possibility and promise of future passion, friendship, partnership. This is easier said than done though. There is that small voice of responsibility reminding one of the original pact made. Silencing this voice can be an obstacle, one that at times seems insurmountable.

I find my rationale and emotion dueling between trying to protect myself from possible heartbreak and wanting to be open to the possibilities that may be. I’m hesitant to be the first one to say the things I want to say. I want to be fearless, but I’m reluctant to be the first to take the risk.

All I can do is fight the desire to protect myself and open myself to what will come. Perhaps the gods demand a payment of some pain, reluctance, loss in order for one to fully embrace and appreciate extreme joy, love, happiness. Perhaps I had to feel the pain of one loss to find the joy in the moments that lie ahead. Perhaps the extreme contrasts make the moments of joy I experience now that much sweeter. Maybe it is a lesson to appreciate the now, to prevent me from losing sight of what is cricital to my life, to be aware of my actions and to make course corrections when needed.

Or maybe it's just too much to worry about it all. Maybe it's better to believe that the past is the past. It cannot be altered. To know that regrets are wasted on the present. And the future is the future. You can't force a conclusion or a desired outcome. You can only make decisions for the present. You can hope, but can't control anything beyond the moment you're standing in now. So while the loss of the past occurred, it's the past. I can't change it. My life will be richer if I live unabashedly, passionately in the now, keeping myself open to what lies in the next moments.

Random inspiration II

2008-04-01T19:42:00.002-04:00

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. ~Maureen Dowd

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. ~Helen Keller

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. ~Henny Youngman

Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park. ~Unknown

The harder you fall, the higher you bounce. ~Unknown

If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns. ~Unknown

The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits. ~Albert Einstein

You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus. ~Mark Twain

Primary colors

2008-03-31T17:18:00.002-04:00

There's a quasi-brilliant line under the emotions entry on wikipedia.org: "Similar to the way primary colors combine, primary emotions are believed to blend together to form the full spectrum of human emotional experience."

We can all attest to the blending of our emotions. I might just be a textbook study in this over the last couple of years. I can confidently say I’ve hit most of the negatively associated emotions – anger, disgust, frustration, hostility, regret, loneliness, rage, depression, jealousy, fear, remorse, contempt, sadness. Many of these emotions blended on a regular basis in the last days of my marriage. They tended to run my life. I wasn’t able to see beyond them. There were days that were so dark that I wasn’t confident I would see the next sunrise. I lost confidence in the ability for another person to love me completely and unconditionally. And I lost the confidence that I would be able to again love completely and unconditionally. Fortunately, in the end we were able to part as friends with acceptance and forgiveness.

Now that I’ve celebrated my one-year anniversary of being on my own again, I can only say that the days where I feel these negative emotions tend to be farher and fewer in between. When they do pop up, I try to keep them in check and within a manageable realm. My days are now more consumed with trying to find the treasure map that will help me figure out again who I am and what I want from the rest of my life. Seems I previously lost sight of me, lost the memories of the things that were most important to me.

My todays are sprinkled with moments of intense joy, thankfulness, hope, fun and even a little bit of love. I’m not saying every day is ideal, but more are closer now then they’ve been for longer than I can remember. Regardless of what my life ahead holds, what adventures I will face, I’m striving to never again lose sight of the possibility of joy. When I face challenges, I want to be able to confidently face them with a realistic perspective, without them consuming my life. When love comes my way, I want to be open to it, able to fall into it, but without losing sight of myself. I want to be able to continue to enjoy the primary colors, the blended colors and everything in between. A prayer to the heavens, fingers crossed.

Separation of church and state

2008-03-24T17:52:00.004-04:00

Besides the division in goverment branches, there are few demarcations in our democracy more clear than the separation of church and state - though as a nod to my democratic-party tendancies, the lines have been blurred just a bit (can you hear the sarcasm) with our current presidential administration. So maybe I should clarify, there are few supposed divisions in our democracy more clear than the separation of church and state.

So in my life, the separation of church and state should be the division between my emotions and my ability to logically reason. Sterotypically, it is the female gender that tends to blend emotion and logic, rationalizing that one directly affects the other. And while I purport to try and behave anti-sterotypically, this might be one cliche I've fallen right into.

Likely my biggest issue is that I typicaly don't do anything halfway. It's either all or nothing. Why do it halfway when you can go completely over the top, right?!?! When I've made a decision, I want the resulting action to happen immediately. When I feel a certain way, the affected person has to know right now. When I change my mind, I want any resulting action to happen at the snap of my finger. This default in my personality may also be the reason I often have very little patience. It's also why I seem to have little ability to separate my emotions from reason. Why one bleeds over into every aspect of my life.

I like to think that I'm in control, so this loss of control or inability to make this clear separation frustrates the hell out of me. So anger, passion, indifference, worry, empathy, frustration, love, distress, fear, delight, calm, guilt, elation...I'm in the zone in 2.5 seconds. And since I tend to lead with my emotions rather than reason, the best is when it's a lovely combination of divisive emotions - passion and frustration, or elation and distress. They sure pack a one-two punch. Add in my tendancy to overthink everything, and blessings to the lucky person on the receiving end.

At the same time, my all-or-nothing, passionate approach can't be all bad. It's what makes me fight for what I want. It's what makes me a loyal and dedicated friend. So I guess I'll just keep wrestling with my multiple personalities, since it seems to be a daily struggle - one that I don't particularly feel like I'm winning on this random Monday. Every now and then, I would love to model some of my guys friends who seem to easily be able to separate the emotion and the reason, keep apart the personal and the professional.

Ahh, I'm just an ongoing, never ending work in progress, irresistible to the masses. I'll never attain perfect separation of church and state. Maybe making the separation would make me less of who I am. And hey, who would want that?!?!

So now that I've wasted 20 minutes of my life composing this ridiculous post...and taken up vital space out in the netherworld...I just made a spontaneous decision to go buy a new carpet for my dining room.

This moment

2008-03-23T19:56:00.002-04:00

A constant journey
Pilgrimage, quest for the
Perfect moment, partner
The perfect life, future

Always looking to tomorrow
Next week, next year
Unable to see the moment
Immediately in front

Desire to appreciate
Fully take pleasure in the
Perfection of this minute
This moment, this embrace

Intangible faith

2008-03-23T19:16:00.003-04:00

If you were to ask me, I would tell you that I tend not to deal well with things that are intangible. I want to see it in front of me, be able to touch it, to physically feel it under my fingertips.

But if you really think about it, the most important things in our lives are comprised of the intangible. Belief in God, friendship, love – all of these are intangible, you can’t hold them in your hand. They are possible because we take a leap, a leap of faith.

They all ask for a belief in a greater power, confidence in another. While I like to classify myself as fearless, I can't always be. Sometimes it's fear - or at a minimum, doubt - that keeps me from making that leap of faith, jumping into unknown waters. I don’t want to pose a question if I’m unsure of the answer.

I’m a work in progress, trying to live aware of the past and hopeful for the future, but with a tighter focus on the moment standing immediately in front of me. I can’t change the past. The future will unfold as it will. So this moment now is all that I can affect. I have to be ok with the intangible and not having everything always figured out. Besides, if I did…what fun is there in that?

This time is the next time

2008-03-17T20:52:00.001-04:00

While most times I like to think of myself as a put-together kind of girl, there are those moments that make me question my own sanity. And I'm sure they're moments that make others do the same.

So when my friend Kat answers the phone and I'm an emotional wreck on the other end, she doesn't question my sanity, not even for a second. This is one of the reasons why I love her. But she's known me practically my whole life, so that has to be taken into consideration. She's seen me at my best, and at much, much worse than today was. In her brilliance, she instinctively knows that my present moment will pass and that my furious anger at myself will dissipate.

Here's the problem, I can be emotional and difficult. I can be impatient and unreasonable. I don't do anything half way. With me, it seems to be all or nothing - friends, love, family, work. I am also fiercely passionate about the people I love and care about. But as someone smarter than I at this exact moment points out, these things are also what make me a strong and loyal friend, partner, sister, daughter.

Though at this exact moment, I feel like my own worst enemy, and my inability to react with a clear head may just have cost me someone I really care about. I’d like to say that I’ve learned my lesson, but I’m pretty positive that I told myself that last time. It just feels like I'm sabotaging myself right now. So today, I feel no moments of brilliace, no peace with my ability to just be. But as with these moments, it will pass. And in a couple of days, my head will be screwed on straighter. It's just too bad that I can't hit rewind and start this day over...and do it differently.

Relinquished

2008-03-11T23:00:00.000-04:00

A forever, promised love forfeited
Relinquished from what was
Assumed to be constant

Coexistent one day, absent the next
Two moving past one another
Inattentive of promises made

Affirmations forgotten, occupied
Daily distractions, details missed
Victim of neglect, unrecoverable

Falling into

2008-03-08T17:41:00.006-05:00

Is it possible to fall into another
In steps, in phases
Rather than all at once
Like the fairytales espouse

With consistency of passion,
Possible for love to be fluid
Moving in and out of
Tender, stolen moments

Possible for the heart
Hesitant, cautious
Standing on the brink
Protective of being shattered

Possible to risk loss
Wary of destruction while
Desiring reciprocation
Another soul juxtaposed

Possible to know
Uncertainty the next
Venturing, uncharted
Desiring to be caught

Random inspiration

2008-03-06T01:59:00.004-05:00

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined.
- Henry David Thoreau

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.
- Henry Miller

Go for long walks, indulge in hot baths. Question your assumptions, be kind to yourself, live for the moment, loosen up, scream, curse the world, count your blessings, just let go, just be.
- Carol Shields

The moment of now

2008-02-26T19:33:00.005-05:00

What I do for a living, combined with my personality, makes it a great challenge for me to live in the moment. I’m more often immersed in the past or the immediate future, the next deadline, the next client call. Worrying about how my past actions will affect the next moment; worrying about trying to think though my responses to a difficult situation that I know is coming. This contradicts my original hope to spend more time this year just living in the moment. I came across this quote in body+soul that reminds me it should be about the moment.

“The moment right now is all you ever really possess in life. If you sit and sincerely contemplate this, you will realize that you are never truly guaranteed the next moment. Your mind is determined to consistently place your attention deep within the past or into the future. Both of these (living in the moments of the past or dreaming of the moments of the future) are illusions that destroy the reality of the present. Detach yourself from the faulty guidance of your mind and simply allow yourself to be in the radiance of the Now. This is where living takes place; it does not exist anywhere but in the present,” by Richard Singer Jr. in Eastern Wisdom for Your Soul.

Living and being within the moment is all that more difficult when you're in the middle of a situation that has past issues and future implications weighing heavy on the decision you are trying to make right now. There are too many factors, twists and turns, emotions, history, etc. I suppose all I can do is make the best-educated decision I can in the moment I'm in. Maybe a little more patience and calm would help. There are times when I need to see only the moment of now.

Fire and ice

2008-01-23T20:20:00.003-05:00

One of my favorite Robert Frost poems...

Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Fear

2008-01-16T14:00:00.000-05:00

As you can tell from my entries, I tend to be a collector of clever quotes and sayings (or what I deem clever quotes and sayings). Not that I'm not clever, but I usually seem to find my somewhat rambling and chaotic musings are better reflected and capsulized in the words of others.

Today's find is a short quote by author H. Jackson Browne. "Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is."

I don't really consider myself to be a fearful person. In my general, everyday life, I think I tend to be close to fearless. I'm usually more than willing to have the hard conversations when necessary. I want people to be up front with me, so I try to do the same with them.

There are times though, ususally in my personal life, when I've caught myself exhibiting traits such as indecisiveness and incessent worrying. They seem to center around my concern on how my words and actions will be taken, interpreted by the person I'm interacting with. And this, of course, stresses me out. My suspicion is that it is usually unnecessarily, but this logical approach doesn't always seem to work on my more illogical, emotional side.

So coming across this quote today - "Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is." - just reminds me to work through the fear because chances are good there's better stuff at the end of the limb.

The resolution of happiness

2008-01-14T21:09:00.000-05:00

As the new year kicks into full swing, the possible resolutions I can set before myself are limitless – go to the gym more often, eat better, keep my desk, my house, my car clean. But the one that I am most interested in actually attaining and maintaining is happiness.

I’m currently rereading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, who spent a year divided evenly between Italy, India and Indonesia focusing on pleasure, devotion and balance.

In her Indonesia section, where she’s focused on finding the balance between worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence, she writes:

“I keep remembering one of my Guru's teachings about happiness. She says that people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don’t, you will leak away innate contentment. It’s easy to pray when you’re in distress but continuing to pray when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainment.”

Proactive is not a word I’ve ever been able to use to describe my own quest for happiness. For most of my adult life, I’ve given up ownership of my own happiness to the responses, reactions, feedback of a partner, a friend, a boss, a parent, a sibling. “I just want to be happy” is often a phrase I’ve uttered to myself and anyone else who happened to be standing too close at the time.

Not that I haven’t had any happiness in my life. If I concentrate hard enough, I can see moments, in the past as well as the present, where I’ve lived in moments of happiness – roasting marshmallows over a campfire on a starry June evening, watching my niece smile at my sister like she’s the sun and the moon, gallery hopping in Taos, beating my parents at a friendly game of euchre, ruining another pair of shoes creeking at camp, a new business win, a quiet afternoon window shopping in San Francisco, feeling the wind blowing as we stand on deck watching a humpback whale crash into the ocean, watching the New Mexico late evening sky light up as the setting sun and impending thunderstorm battle for exposure, hanging out and laughing hysterically at Mystery Science Theater 3000, squealing with pure pleasure as my grandpa pushes me higher in the tire swing, a quiet evening spent in the arms of someone I adore.

These moments though have been only that though, just moments – happy moments that each stand alone with no direct connection to one another. The string that should connect them all absent.

So my resolution this year is to take ownership and responsibility for my own happiness. I’m determined to fight for it, insist upon it. I’m no longer satisfied to just exist between happy moments. I want the in between to matter too, I want to find happiness in the in between. And so this is my resolution.

Lessons learned

2008-01-09T02:51:00.000-05:00

We hope that out of every relationship that doesn’t last (notice I didn’t use the term failed here), we learn and grow both as an individual and as a partner. In my last relationship, I learned a lot of lessons, many of them the hard way. We started dating when we were young, so figuring out the relationship dos and don’ts over the years resulted more from trial and error than really remotely having any clue as to what we were actually doing.

As a partner, there were a lot of things I was good at, and as every ying must have a yang, there were a lot of things I was only infrequently and sporadically good at (aka the things I sometimes sucked at). But thanks to a lot of soul searching, fighting, tears and a fabulous therapist, there are lessons I learned that I will gladly allow to accompany me into any future relationship:

You can bring home issues, anger, frustrations from the office, but leave them in the car, don’t let them follow you through the door. A partnership is about sharing the good, the bad and the ugly, but there’s no need to share the bad and the ugly the minute you walk in the door. Grab the mail, walk in the door, kiss your partner, tell him you had a horrible day and ask for a hug. Just be in the moment, in the arms of the person who loves you most in this world. It will take the edge off the horror of the day, and remind you that the most important part of your life isn’t found inside four walls from 8-5.
No one should have to carry the burden of being the end-all, be-all of your happiness. When you’re in the middle of an intense relationship, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of tying all of your happiness to your partner – living for their praise, compliments. But that’s a lot of responsibility for anyone to have to carry. You’ll be a better partner if you take responsibility for yourself first.
Fight in the moment. It’s probably most stereotypical of women that once we’re in the middle of a fight, we’ll bring up every other issue – whether or not it’s related to the issue at hand – possibly imaginable. Stay on topic. You’ll only add unnecessary, additional tension by bringing up unrelated issues. Plus, if you stay on topic, in theory, the fight will be shorter and it’ll get you to the make up part sooner!
Don’t loose sight of what’s important. It’s easy to get caught up in the drama and stresses of work, friends, the greater world. Sometimes it’s hard to see beyond them and understand at the end of the day and in the grand scheme of life, they’re relatively not that important. At the end of the day what is important is that the person in your life knows you love them first and most in this world, that they are your ultimate focus. From this perspective, all of the other things will fall into place. Everything else is, if not easier, at least manageable when you’re facing them together.

Sisterhood

2008-01-04T08:21:00.001-05:00

More than anyone in this world, I adore my sister. She’s my favorite person, and the one I usually turn to first to share triumphs and hysterical moments, as well as frustrations and defeats.

Trust me, we weren’t always close. We had the typical, stereotypical love-hate sibling relationship growing up. As much as I loath to admit it, I was somewhat of a brat during the majority of our childhood (I know, you’re asking yourself, “only somewhat?”). I tell her that she’s a stronger person today from having suffered through all of those miserable moments and years of my bossiness and obnoxious behavior – she quickly adds that I just say that to make myself feel better. Perhaps she is correct. But as I’m the author here, I’ll stick by my line, even if it is my slightly romanticized, revisionist view of the past.

We successfully weathered a childhood and early adulthood where we sometimes got along, but were not particularly close. We lived our separate lives and journeyed forward more as acquaintances than friends. Though when we were young, there were times when we banded together against my parents – as a sister is the best person to serve as a partner in crime (of course, this differs from the times I set her up to get in trouble with our parents). In my memories, these distinctive moments of closeness usually occurred on our annual family vacations – which for those of you who don’t know our history, consisted of driving across the country with my parents exploring popular as well as out-of-the-way adventures. Our family vacations were typically two to three weeks, though our west coast adventure lasted five weeks and our Alaska trek nearly eight. On these trips, we had only each other and usually bickered less, much to my parents’ pure joy I’m assuming. We spent hours in the car reading, playing games, braiding yarn octopuses and driving my parents up the wall. We chased each other at the many campgrounds that we called our temporary homes. We slept head-to-head down the aisle of our van turned camper. We explored fabulous city blocks, trekked up mountainsides, played tag in campground pools, sang John Denver and Kenny Rogers tunes at the top of our lungs and continually gave our parents a run for their money.

Now with both of us well into adulthood (though we typically don’t act it), she is one of my best friends, and I love her more than any other. 2007 brought a major change to my sister’s life. She gave birth to two beautiful twin girls, who are now close to five months old. I’ve had the joy of watching her transform into her role as mother. She loves her girls and is so tender with them. I feel my heart swell every time I watch her with them. The girls are blessed to have my sister as their mother, as I am blessed she is my sister. She loves them fiercely and will protect them always while allowing them to test the boundaries. She will nurture them into amazing human beings. (I would be negligent if I didn’t add that my brother-in-law is also a critical link of this equation. He’s a phenomenal dad.)

Here are some quotes that reflect my relationship with my sister:

“Is solace anywhere more comforting than in the arms of a sister.” ~Alice Walker

“If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.” ~Linda Sunshine

“A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.” ~Toni Morrison

“She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child." ~Barbara Alpert

“One of the best things about being an adult is the realization that you can share with your sister and still have plenty for yourself." ~Betsy Cohen

Unconditional friendship

2008-01-03T22:14:00.000-05:00

Inspiration and insight come from many sources, including literature. While rereading Anne Perry’s “Defend and Betray” (a great series about Victorian London detective William Monk), I came across this particularly discerning paragraph about the type of friend we all want to have and be:

“In fact there had been moments when he had felt a kind of friendship for her more totally honest than he had for anyone else…She saw him without any deluding mists of admiration, self-interest or fear for her own position, and there was something extraordinarily sweet and comfortable about a friend who knows you and accepts you at your worst, your most bitter, or defeated, who sees your emotional ugliness naked and is not afraid to call it by name, and yet does not turn from you or allow you to cease to struggle, who wills your survival as precious.”

We all want one friend who knows our best, our worst, our secrets, our celebrations, our tragedies, all our shades of gray and loves us anyway. We all deserve at least one friend of this caliber. And at the same time, we should aspire to be this type of friend to those who need us to be.

The odyssey that is my life

2008-01-02T20:50:00.000-05:00

An odyssey is defined as "a long series of wanderings or adventures, especially when filled with notable experiences, hardships, etc." I think the last couple of years of my life could easily be categorized by this definition, including the notable experiences and the hardships.

I lost a love in 2007, and though it had been a couple of years since we had truly been in love with one another, it didn’t make the final decision any easier. It took us nearly two years of pain and tears and fighting and trying to admit that it was best for us both if we just let go of each other. We both deserve to be happy and to be with someone who loves us passionately and without abandon. I hope this is what each of us finds.

But 2007 also brought some unexpected surprises to my personal perspective. I had certain assumptions about what I wanted from my life and the path I was on, but someone came back into my life that completely turned those things upside down and startled my assumed outlook.

So as we start the new year, I find myself asking “what do I truly want from this life?” And though it may sound like the unrealistic musings of an idealistic romantic, what I want most is love. I want to fall in love with that one person about whom I can be incredibly passionate about, come home to every night, share the adventures and the pain, enjoy every day with. But I’m in no rush, or at least I’m trying not to be. It might be unrealistic, but I only want to fall in love one more time in my life. I want to take my time this time. Whoever the person is, we will both have so much to discover about one another. I think the journey is one of the most exciting parts of falling in love – though in the right relationship, the journey will be continuous across time.

I also have family and friends who love me unconditionally. It has taken me a long time to be able to really appreciate this. Over the last couple of years, there were long stretches of time where I was barely able to deal with my own pain and sorrow, and as a result, willingly cut myself off from them. They must love me a lot because they weathered my distancing and were right there when I was ready to come back.

The holiday season also reminds me of the loves that I’ve lost over the years, most notably, my grandparents. Most of my fondest memories as a child involve my them – long summer days wandering in the woods, climbing the pines with nothing but sticky hands to show for my accomplishment, Poptarts and Frosted Flakes for breakfast, watching episodes of Bonanza, the smell of my grandfather’s cigar, freezing winter nights being tucked into bed, the mysterious bird in the Christmas tree, swinging freely from the willow tree, riding on my grandfather’s lap as he pulls the tractor out of the barn, my grandmother showing me her treasures, playing hide-and-seek with my cousins. I often wish I could go back – maybe like the Ghost of Christmas Past but without the regret – and watch myself and my sister with them. Too often when I try to conjure up those precious memories, it’s harder to remember the lines on my grandfather’s face and the way it felt when he held me. I always felt safe and happy – feelings that are much harder to attain and maintain when you’re a grownup.

I often wonder if they would be proud of the person I’ve grown into. As sometimes it’s hard for me to be proud of all of my decisions over the years, I try and remember they loved me unconditionally as a child and would have continued to do so into adulthood.

So on this second day of 2008, I am hopeful for what lies ahead for me in the new year, but remind myself that I should – at the same time - be grateful for my past, as it is what has brought me to this day. It is time to turn the page and start a new chapter in my life, a new odyssey.